It has been awhile and I've missed this little bit of writing.  Leading up to Christmas was very busy both with work and trying to get shopping done.  Dec 24 is my son's new fiance's birthday.  Normally because of work schedules, Christmas Eve was our family get together to open presents and have some fun.  This year, however, we totally put the whole Christmas thing aside and had a birthday party.  My son, who is a brilliant chef, outdid himself with the meal and birthday cake.  We had so much fun.  Then on Christmas Day we did it all again.  What a special holiday it turned out to be and I am so grateful for two wonderful children and as well their wonderful partners.

Four days ago my world turned upside down or perhaps I should say might be turned upside down.  Either way on Friday mid-day a phone call changed my life as I knew it the moment before.  I will be entering 2013 not knowing if I have breast cancer.  Only the day before the phone call was my mammogram so the call back was quick.  However, I have to wait until Jan 14 for the further testing.  I did not handle this well at all.  No doubt because my own mother passed away at age 59 from breast cancer.  Always in the back of one's mind.  However, I have never had a call back.  They tell me it isn't uncommon.  They tell me not to worry.  How does one not worry.  I want to know one way or the other.  Then I can deal with it.  In the meantime, all I want to do is hide, the joy sucked out of me.  But life does go on doesn't it and I must try to enjoy every moment as that is all any of us have.  I have given this advice to several friends over the years.

It has been difficult to use any of my decks.  They aren't working and I understand that.  This morning I felt somewhat lighter so took the opportunity to get out the Osho Zen tarot  deck.  

I pulled 9 of Rainbows (Pentacles) "Ripeness" first.  Beautiful card.  I noticed the one apple falling off the tree.  That felt like me.  Off.  The book tells me I just need to relax, to gather the courage to enter into my inner forest.  Not to stop being me, sharing or being creative.  It is always the right time.  Oh yeah, I have shut down ... this card telling me to get off my butt and continue on being me.

Drew another card just for some further clarity and had to chuckle when I saw the 2 of Rainbows (Pentacles) "Moment to Moment".  

Guess these cards gave me a universal scolding.  Okay, okay, I will try.  I will try.  I will sit down right now and write down ten things I am grateful for.  Ten things I can smile about.

I will try ...

Tired

I should be exercising but instead here I sit.  A very busy day at work both physically and mentally.  Silly me did not take a break for lunch.  Ate on the go.  Never a good idea.  Am very tired.  Nothing left.  

It is also very mild outside, however, the heat in my apartment (I have no control) is more than needed.  The window is open or I would be falling asleep.  

My draw today from the Sun and Moon tarot deck (Vanessa Decort):

Two of Cups .. love written at the top.  A very peaceful card.  I can feel the energy between these two people.  It feels very spiritual to me.   

It does have some significance to me, however, it is personal and in the midst ... so will not speak of it.

I did have some help sitting at at my desk.  My sweet Miss Lexie wanted to see what I was up to and planted herself right beside me.  Had to work around her to get the picture of the two of cups.  She makes me smile.

Productive

I am smiling because I had a very productive weekend.  Finally the handmade gift for my daughter is completed.  It took me all afternoon yesterday and in the end it isn't perfect but maybe that is what will be special about it.  It got my creative juices flowing and the urge to make something else is strong.  Just have to decide what.  Fabricland is calling me to rummage through the remnants bin.  Maybe some tarot bags to be made.  Or a tablecloth for my son.  The possibilities are endless.

It wasn't until about an hour ago I had the chance to sit down and play with my cards.  I did a Wheel of Fortune spread from Barbara Moore's Tarot Spreads book with something specific in mind and was pleased with the outcome.  The cards never cease to amaze me.

Recently I bought the Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort.  My original thoughts on it may be changing.  Not quite sure yet.  Will use it for the coming week and see what happens.

Today's draw:

The detail is rather small and not so easy for me to see.  I had to get out my magnifying glass to have a better look.  My birth number is 5, I am a Taurus Sun.  This is my card.  Haven't seen a Hierophant quite like this one.  At first look he/she is definitely rooted.  The leaves (the LWB says they are lotus flowers with five leaves) look like butterflies dancing around to me.  Freedom.  So a balance between being rooted and being free.  I like that.  No eyes, no nose, no mouth ... a reminder we are all one.

off to end my weekend with a delicious meal ....

No Words

There are no words today.  My heart is saddened with yet another senseless tragedy.  So many innocent young lives lost.  The tears fall.

....

The Unexpected

On Friday I had the weekend all planned out.  Here is it Sunday evening and my plan was not accomplished.  But there is always next weekend.

I woke up this morning with an engaged son.  She said yes.  Not totally a surprise to me since we have discussed this possibility many times.  I was just not expecting it to happen last night.  Maybe New Year's Eve or later.  Then he tells me the wedding is to be in May.  A small wedding.  But May.  That is so soon.   

I am over the moon excited and happy for them.  For some reason, it has stirred up some emotions in me.  Mixed emotions.  Been dealing with them throughout the day.

A few minutes ago got out The Psychic Tarot Oracle Deck by John Holland ... I looked up, saw it, opened the box and began shuffling.  This is the card I picked:

He reminds me of the Hierophant.  5 is my number.  But this is 18 Shadow and quite obvious to me is my mixed emotions today.  Being so happy, yet an underlying anxiety. Mom worries maybe.  Or maybe this is just about me and coming to terms with what is being stirred within me and why.  (have a pretty good idea)

as Bob Dylan said ... the times they are a changin'

Creativity

What a crazy, busy, migraine filled week.  Work was a bit much.  I am so happy it is finally Friday.  With Christmas right around the corner, I've tried to get my thoughts on gifts for my loved ones.    Time is running out.  I had the thought to buy a nail polish rack for my daughter.  She has hundreds and hundreds of nail polish bottles and keeps them in a bin.  But then I discovered the cost and difficulty of getting something appropriate.  Quite by chance I came upon a DIY video of exactly what I wanted and it would end up holding almost her whole collection.  After watching the video several times I decided to give it a try.  During the week, I got all the supplies I need and it is my mission this weekend to create this rack.

I am quite excited about it.  Been a long time since I used my creativity for something other than tarot or astrology.  I love to sew, to crochet or knit but all have been sidelined lately.

Once home, groceries put away, kitties fed; I picked up The Housewives Tarot (by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum) and pulled:

ha ha ... perfect.

wish me luck ...

Impulse buying

Can you see me smiling.  A package was sitting on my doorstep when I arrived home today.  On Saturday, I ordered this deck .. well just because ...  I have not had a chance to properly have a look yet, to get to know it.  Am excited to do so.

For a Monday, it was a good day.  I feel lighter than I have for quite some time.  Work went well.  Finding the package with my new tarot deck and also in my mailbox a written letter from my cousin made my day.  Put that smile on my face.

Again today using the Housewives Tarot by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum.

I just had to laugh when I saw the picture.  Brought back some memories from my childhood.    Particularly one when my three brothers thought I had done something worth punishment (can't even remember what) so Dad took me into my bedroom for a talking too and a spanking.  However, he did neither, he just pretended to.   We did talk though although about what I can't recall.  Wish I could.  Anyway, this picture brought back that memory.  

The card itself brings to mind one must accept the consequences of one's actions.  You created them and now must deal with them.  A balance issue.  Balance issues good and bad keep coming up in most of the cards I draw lately.  Obviously something I need to deal with.   Recognizing my mistakes and my good deeds, accepting both and growing forward.

to be continued ...

Balance

This week I am using The Housewives Tarot by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum.  I have had it for years and never taken it out of the box.  It should be fun.

My first draw:

At first glance, the Page of Wands reminds me of my three younger brothers and all their enthusiasm in our youth.  They had chores to do but would rather play.  In relation to myself, the card reminds me to not forget about my fun self and my dreams.  Not to forget to say "yes" to new adventures.  I control my own destiny.

The Six of Pentacles is about restoring the balance.  My karmic balance.  I could eat all those sweets myself, I could give them all away or I could share.  The choice I make will have an effect on my dreams.  The dreams of the Page of Wands.  I often give and expect nothing in return.  However, that can get out of balance and I must learn how to receive, to accept while giving nothing in return.  And I must learn when not to give without receiving.

restoring the balance ....

Phew, the new girl at work called in sick yesterday and again today.  I am so sorry she is sick, however, it is back to double duty for me.  No energy or motivation left for playing with my cards.  No words rambling around in my head.  Time for a break until the weekend. Relax once home.  Looking forward to Thursday evening as my son, his girlfriend and myself are going to see Danny Michel in concert.  I love me some Danny ♪

I am grateful I already have the tickets for Danny ...
I am grateful my son will be preparing a delicious meal before we go see Danny ...

JOY

Time is passing slowly today for some reason.  Usually on the weekends, it goes by way too fast.  Woke up this morning to more blowing snow.  This day, however, I had to leave the warmth of my home and venture over to the grocery store for supplies.  Once bundled up, I very much enjoyed the walk there and back.  

It has been quite the busy day puttering around my apartment ... and finally I exercised.  Yay for me!! This has been an on-going procrastination for me for no good reason.  Felt good both physically and emotionally. Now to continue tomorrow.

Cards for today still from the Vanessa Tarot (Lynyrd Narciso):

My thoughts when seeing these ... that is my hand in the Six of Coins reaching out for help.  The lady, who is obviously doing well materially in life, is willing to share.  Not sure what her story is, however, because of her generosity, whatever the motive, it allowed me to regain some momentum, some energy.  The girl (me) in the Two of Coins is happily balancing her life and able to adapt.  There may be decisions to be made but for the moment she is feeling joy.  Thanks to the kind lady.  No doubt they are both me finding out what is really going on.  Not just on the surface but deep within.  The six and the two add to eight = strength.  Perhaps my ability to remain resilient.  Keep my eye on those plans/goals I wrote out and continue working on what is really important.

I am grateful for the company of my girls and their unconditional love:

♥♥♥

Woke up to snow this morning flying all around.  Some stayed on the ground but not much.  A strange sight indeed.  Perhaps winter is here?

Hoping all my friends and relatives in the US are enjoying their Thanksgiving celebrations.  This means Christmas is right around the corner and I better get creative with some ideas for gifts.

So, I had a dream the other night about a very nice man I was dating last year for about six months.  I broke things off with him right before New Year's Eve.  He was not pleased with me.  Rightly so.  We talked a few times since then but not for at least seven months.   Anyway, in the dream it appeared he needed to talk to me, however, it wasn't resolved.  I woke up.  Needless to say he has been on my mind and I wonder if he does indeed need to talk to me.  

Today I drew a card with him in mind from the Vanessa Tarot by Lynyrd Narciso (by the way I found the LWB today underneath my bed probably carried there by my cat, China).

Interesting card to draw  ... the Seven of Swords.  First thought of course is sneaky.  Second thought is whatever she is doing, she has decided to do it all by herself.

Underlying these thoughts for me is the idea of some sort of struggle within and solving it by being aloof or honestly thinking being alone is what comfortable.  Is it or isn't it?

This card accurately portrays "the why" I ended things.  It all happened too fast, too much especially for someone who has been on her own for many years  ... the safest thing for me was to push him away.  I successfully did that.  Of course since then, I have grown and made baby steps on the path in this area.

Do I call him or do I not call him.  Not sure.  This card did not suggest I do.  However, it made me seriously think.  

The plan is to do nothing today.  Meditate on it tonight. Perhaps this will open up what my true plan or intention is.   See what tomorrow brings.

I am grateful for the all the love in my life. 

 

Is Mercury retro almost over.  Yesterday I left my Ipod at work and it is what I use to take pictures of my cards, so no picture.  Tonight, I can't find the LWB for the Vanessa Tarot by Lynyrd Narciso.  It was on my desk on Monday evening.  Disappeared.  I am sure it will reappear when it is ready.  I don't really need it.  It just bothers me that I can't find it.

Today's card for the day:   

I think of Strength when the eights appear. And with the Coins or Pentacles, all the Taurus parts of me come to mind.  She is putting her all into her creations.  It is tedious, detailed work but she is sticking with it.  Obviously very important to her.

It mirrors all my efforts put in at work.  Above and beyond.  With a smile.  But not without a certain amount of blood, sweat and tears.  

"He did each single thing as if he did nothing else" - Charles Dickens

I have been obsessed lately with finding a new place to live.  Taken over my thoughts.  No doubt using this as an escape from all the sadness and challenges of late with people passing and work being overwhelming.  Fantasizing about a wonderful new place to live felt good.

I actually went to look at a place after work tonight.  The ad, which had pictures, looked great. Really looked like it had character and the price and location are perfect. I was excited. Once there, what a let down.  It was horrible, small, not an ounce of character and not worth the rent being asked.  

But it was exactly what I needed.  When I got home I sat down to unwind.  Felt like I needed a lighter deck to work with so dug out the Vanessa Tarot by Lynyrd Narciso.

Drew:

At first glance I felt a little discouraged by these cards but looking further at them, they are perfect.  The Moon for me is always a good card.  It fits here with my moodiness, hiding my fears and creating a fantasy.  The Eight of Cups shows how drained and discouraged I am.

But they are also telling me to stop looking outside myself for the answers.  Give myself some nurturing, some much neglected nurturing.  I need to appreciate what I have rather than what I don't have.

Once I saw the apartment, I knew it was over.  Something clicked inside and these cards confirmed this feeling.  I won't solve anything by moving.  That is not the answer.  

Yes, I am to continue finding my new destination but continue to do so by looking within.  And perhaps I can redecorate my current apartment or change something or just go buy something for myself.

Yeah .. that sounds perfect ...

I am grateful to the universe ... I love the universe ...

Not a lot of words today.  Sort of empty in that regard.  Yesterday was one of the worst days in a long time.  Not sure if it is Mercury retro, the eclipse or just all the death touching me.  My heart just breaks for my cousin, her two children and two grandchildren. So very sad.

However, today was a much better day.  I actually accomplished the task of being able to see what my desk looks like at work and I really "feel" I accomplished something.  I had an unexpected invitation to lunch and what a lovely hour of conversation and delicious food.  The training of the new girl continues easily. 

Card pulled a few minutes ago from Lo Scarabeo Tarot deck:

Queen of Wands My first thought was it is a nice card, a feel good card.  The yellow makes me think of the sun and the sun makes me think of joy.  The cat always makes me smile and I know she is taking care of me.

Wherever this Queen wants to be, I don't think she is there yet.  The look on her face tells me, not quite yet.  Close.

I must put all the emotions stirred up in recent days to good use.  Use them to inspire and motivate me.  Just do it.

I am grateful for today and being able to smile again ...

A sad, sad day yesterday.  My cousin's husband lost his battle with cancer.  Less than a year after being diagnosed.  There has already been so much loss in her life.  She lost her mother, her step-mother, her dad and now her husband.  No words, just no words.

I also found out yesterday my brother and his wife had to put down, Coal, their dog of 13 years.  Coal was family and he will be missed.

I also found out my good friend's, husband's best friend, had a heart attack and didn't make it.  

Almost too much put together with my dad's birthday and his passing on the 15th.  

After saying all that, today was a pretty good day.  Work was busy as usual but I wasn't stressed even though I had to stay a half an hour late.  When I got home I decided to play with my cards to try and unwind from the day before getting myself some food.

As I shuffled my thought was guidance please.  Actually my dilemma right now is trying to get myself back to a regular routine of exercise.  I seem to be stuck and can't do it.  The desire is there which is good but the motivation is lacking once home.  

A card fell out and I set it aside without looking at it and continued on.  Using the Lo Scarabeo Tarot deck pulled the Knight of Wands:

 My first thought was how intense it looks.  Not sure about the falling bodies.  Casualties of the hurriedness (I know that isn't a word LOL) perhaps or my three deaths (although one wasn't human).  He does seem in control and ready for a challenge.  He is facing left which to me is the past.  So my thoughts are to move forward but use what I have already gained from the past.  Most of my tools for success are from the past.  I just need to enhance on them and allow myself to use them.  Exercise was always a part of my routine.  It can be again.

Then I looked at the card that fell out:

Not a pretty card but the background isn't gloomy and is hopeful looking.  It is an appropriate card for my thoughts over these last few days.

There is no death! What seems so is a transition - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ...

Been away for awhile.  Actually haven't really been myself for awhile.  I need to find my joy again as I seem to have lost it over the last few months.  Mostly it has been work draining me to my core as I attempted to maintain two jobs since mid September.  But finally this past Monday a new girl started.  She is young, she is eager and I am very pleased with the choice.  I spent the week training her and I must say it went very well.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.  Oh yeah, there is still much for her to learn but some of the pressure is off me and it will get better as time goes on.  

So, I am back and ready to find time for ME and what brings me joy.  It is my dad's birthday today.  He would have been 90.  On the 15th, it will be 5 years since he passed.  I am happy I am able to smile now when I think of him, and mom, rather than feel sad.  It is also Remembrance Day for our vets here in Canada and he spent his life in the military.  Lest we forget ...

Spent time today meditating.  I've been using The Medicine Woman Inner Guidebook by Carol Bridges, along with the cards, as a tool for meditating.  Very helpful and have been quite successful in making it part of my early evening.  Today my mother hugged me.  Oh my, what a feeling that was.  Guess she knew I needed a hug.

For the card a day draw I am going to use the Lo Scarabeo Tarot.  Haven't spent much time with them since buying so as an unused deck will spend a few days, maybe a week, with them.  See how it goes.  I do not have a companion book and am not sure there is one.  The LWB doesn't have much information.  Will go on my gut.

Today's draw (I must say they don't photograph very well):

My first thought was I need to take responsibility for my own success/growth.  Exactly.   It is time to move ahead and look to a brighter/joyful future.  Take the steps to do so and be confident about it.

In fact, I have already taken some steps with more to go.  Trying.  Although Mercury retro is getting in my way.  Patience needed.

being true to myself .....

So, I pulled the Six of Bowls (The Medicine Woman Tarot) again today. What!! Three days in a row.  Definitely wants me to get my attention.

I have given a lot of thought to the words I wrote yesterday.  The book suggests putting the whole period of time in question or the relationship into a powerful symbol of some kind.  A song, a poem, a dance, a painting or something I do well.  My life will become my art and my art will become my life.  A great idea and one I plan to follow through on.

The Six of Bowls ... well, it is November now.  My dad's birthday is Nov 11 and on Nov 15 it will be five years he's gone.  November is my dad's month.  I checked my numerology book and find the Six of Bowls is ruled by the 2nd decanate of Scorpio, being Neptune/Pisces.  My dad of course was a Scorpio and he had Pisces rising.  This card is so my dad.  And how fitting this being an appreciate days gone by sort of card.  My dad was the sweetest, kindest, most gentle person ever.  Very quiet but oh my gosh, what inner strength he had.  Amazed me and still does.  Perhaps this card is telling me to meditate on all the good he was and still is and absorb his strength. 

to be continued ....

Happy Halloween.  Wishing I had the Halloween Tarot deck.  It has been on my list to buy but never got around to it.  Think about it at this time of the year and then forget ... until Halloween rolls around again.  

Been a crazy few weather days.  My thoughts go out to all those in the path of Sandy.  We got off pretty easy where I live experiencing very high winds but not much rain.  Although saying that it seems like it has been lightly raining for over a week with more days to come.  Where is the sun anyway.

Yesterday morning I took some time before going to work to pull a card from The Medicine Woman deck (Carol Bridget) and got the Six of Bowls.  When I got home last night, I was very tired and ended up talking on the phone with my son for 45 minutes which made me late eating ... and I never did sit down to write my thoughts down.

When I got home today I decided to put the Six of Bowls back in the deck and just start over.  It was my intention to meditate first then draw a card.  However, I've had a migraine all day and was extremely busy at work and the meditation didn't go as planned.  Just wasn't able to get anywhere.  I thought it might help my head but that didn't work.  Oh well.  So I picked up the deck, shuffled and out came the Six of Bowls.  

It seems to me he is very deep in thought, emotional thought.  Sorting through these thoughts.  Probably a relationship or more than one.

A quote from the guidebook "A kindly goodbye to once was cleanses the cup to be filled once again."  My theme of late has been learning to let go and particularly of a long term friendship.  A deep loss and one I've had difficulty coming to terms with or even understanding.  I've made great strides and pulling this card and reading the words from the book really helped me realize I have been going about it the right way.

It is true nothing is truly lost.  It all remains in our memories and hearts and the lessons learned live on.  It is important as well to remember the moments, the joys as well as the sadness and honor them.  I agree.

"Sow good services, sweet remembrances will grow from them" - Madam de Stael

Several days off for a mini-recharge.  Well not off from work as that pays the bills but time off from study, meditation, exercise.  Took the time to sit and read a book, catch up with a few movies and think about not much of anything.  

Am back now.  Got out The Medicine Woman Tarot deck (Carol Bridges) and guidebook earlier this afternoon.  I have used this one before but not for many years.  It was way at the back of a drawer full of decks.  Started reading the guidebook and Carol's words spoke quite loudly to me.  Planning to take some time and go through the book.  As well, use it for a daily draw for awhile.

Today's card:

My first thought was how grateful I am for all I have and for those who came before me having a part in all I have and am.   I am seeing things with fresh eyes and trying to handle things differently than I normally do.  I am not alone (even if I think I am at times) and I don't need to let go of what is good.  The rest will fall away on it's own and in fact it has.  Because I let go.

Life moves forward.  I have been looking back lately and perhaps got a little too caught up in the past.  I realize the purpose for me doing this, however, I need more of a balance so I don't miss out being here now.

I end today with a video a local singer/songwriter, Danny Michel, posted today.  He did this while on tour in Europe, the video shot in Berlin.  I can't help but smile.  He loves music.  His words have meaning.  He is genuine.  Can't wait to see him when he makes it to town end of November.

dancing my way to the kitchen ....

I actually drew these cards (Tarot of a Moon Garden deck) at separate times.  This morning before I left for work, I sat down to pull a card for the upcoming work day.  XI Justice.  

As the day progressed I felt off kilter, off balance for some reason.  Nothing work related although it was an extremely busy day.  That physically wore me out but there was just something inside that wasn't right.  Too much thinking, too much trying to make decisions, too much everything.  I am thinking the XI = 2 = High Priestess = listening to my inner voice.

I drew another card once I was home and settled down a bit.  I had to laugh when I saw the Four of Swords.  Immediately it brought to mind how desperately I need some relief from my mind.  From the non-stop thoughts.  Work absolutely has been physically draining me but I only have myself to blame for the mental draining.  

So yeah, it is time to take a little break from any problem solving, study .. it is time for an escape.  Perhaps it is time to read a book, listen to some music or watch a fun movie.  For a few days ... recharge the old brain and body.  Have some fun and laugh.  

With that said ... am off for a bubble bath and then ... hmmmm  

Had a migraine yesterday and unfortunately was unable to do anything when I got home from work.  Nothing works except going to bed so I did that.

Hmm ... The Star.  A very pretty card. Gorgeous butterfly pops right out, as does the eight pointed star.  Pulling this card tonight gives me hope and strength.  Some good news was confirmed this morning as soon as I got to work.  A new person has been hired and will begin working on Nov 5th.  And so the training period begins and although this will take up much of my time and still keep me a little too busy, there is an end in sight.  Hope.  This person is young and eager.  

I also found out my son and his girlfriend got the townhouse they want to rent.  It took 12 anxiety ridden days for this answer due to some complications totally unrelated to them.  However, they could have been informed.  Anyway, in the end it all worked out and it is wonderful news for them.  Now the fun begins.  I offered my help in any way they need it during the moving process.  I might live to regret that LOL.

Despite the challenges still surrounding me and there are always challenges ... much has been accomplished.  Decisions made, new ideas explored, hope renewed.  I do feel the strength.

As I look out my window typing this, the wind is picking up, it is still raining and most of the leaves are off the trees.  A few more good winds and they will be gone.  

My view changes ... inside and out.

to be continued ....

It was an away from the computer sort of weekend.  Well until about an hour ago.  Yesterday, I spent all day purging and sorting through my desk area catching up with paperwork, finances, and on and on.  A productive day and it felt good.

Today as part of my "moving forward" I had to make a decision about something.  To continue or leave it behind.  I did a yes/no spread and got a NO and then did another, just to be sure.  Got a NO again.  Meaning leave it behind.

Then I did a meditation although not with the intention to think anymore about the decision. I spent some time with "Mercury" which surprised me.  However, it was quite enlightening and I got the message.  :))

After the meditation, it was time to pull a card for the day still using Tarot of a Moon Garden deck:

Two's being about balance and decisions, she is certainly me today.  The swords coming out of her back with dragonflies at the end I see as change, hope and some self-realization.  It is night and she is blindfolded.  This all helps her block everything else out as she weighs her options and makes a decision.  She does look relaxed although her hands are not.  A little bit of indecision perhaps as the emotions get stirred up (the big waves behind her).  But still, she is open to what comes.

I am happy with the decision I came to today.  I will find another plan to replace the one I am leaving behind.  I am still on the path just making a little detour along the way.  I had to give it a try, wasn't what I thought it would be, isn't the direction I want to go in as it veers too far off my path ... so yeah, right decision.

A good weekend and am sorry to see it end so quickly.  Must get myself prepared for another week of work.

off to prepare ....

Phew ... Friday I have such a heavy workload at work.  It is my busiest day and as well it is the other job I am doing busiest day.  How does that work? How does one find the time?

Before I ran out of the house this morning, I quickly drew a card from the Tarot of a Moon Garden deck by Karen Marie Sweikhardt. 

Doesn't really look like the traditional 10 of Wands card in any of my RWS decks.  I absolutely relate to the RWS version.  Definitely a bit overworked today.  Despite the burden, I completed the tasks.  

Looking at the Ten of Staffs, it reminds me of yesterday's card only today I am able to visualize the journey's end or at least allow myself to get out from behind the trees.  Interesting there is a home visible between the trees.  Moving has been on my mind and I've actively been searching.  Made a few calls but am not having much luck, so far, with calls being returned.  It may not even be something I should do but decided to check out my options.  The place I had in mind is within walking distance to work, however, there are no grocery stores or any type of stores nearby.  The walking draws me in and perhaps the other part can be worked out.   I love the butterfly in the card ... encourages me.

Just before I left work for home my co-worker left a little gift on my desk.  I smiled so much my face hurt.  She totally made my day.  Isn't it amazing what a simple gesture of kindness can do.  

My co-worker knows I have a bigger version and not long ago I saw these available at the bank and mentioned to her I wanted to get one.  Haven't named her yet, or maybe him.  My Lexie was a little curious and I thought the picture was so cute.

moving forward for some food and some relaxation ....

Feel good today.  Yeah.  Work was good. We had our monthly team meeting and found out there are two prospects to be interviewed for the vacant job. This is good news for me as the sooner the better.  It honestly is a bit much trying to keep up with two jobs.  

It was raining and dark when I left for work this morning, however, by mid-morning the sun was shining and it was very warm.  Now that makes me smile.  

I had an appointment today (had to leave work for an hour) ... on my list of things I need to do in order to move forward.  Afterwards I felt so great because 1.  I did it, and 2. it worked out better than anticipated.  A problem solved.  And oh yeah, it would have stayed unsolved had I not pushed myself.  A pat on the back for Carol today.  Cross one off the list.  And even better, it will have a long term affect on my life.

On to a new tarot deck today.  Again, one never used.  Tarot of a Moon Garden by Karen Marie Sweikhardt.  I've had it for years and honestly don't remember why I bought it.  Looking at it earlier, I find it very detailed and those details a little small for my old eyes.  Will give it a go.

For today, I drew:

Makes sense.  Nines can deal with problems and compromises ... and I did deal with a problem today.  That could be me peaking out from the tree branches.  A little insecure.  Hurts and losses in the past and not quite sure how to let go and move forward from certain issues.  Want to but ...  I am waking up and beginning to see things.  I am coming out from behind that tree little by little.

I am grateful to have enjoyed a lovely lunch with my daughter today.  I am grateful my son phoned me for a chat not long after I got home from work.  Two special joys in my life I cherish.

on to tomorrow ...

Seems like Blogger was having some troubles last night around the time I posted yesterday's blog and now I have ended up with three copies of my draw.  I can't seem to get rid of two of them.  So oh well, they will stay there!!

A crazy busy day at work but the day went well and fast.  Yesterday, while doing some housework here at home, a piece fell off the very top part of the drain on my bathroom sink and if I ran the water, it simply poured right out all over the place.  So out came the bucket.  Then I discovered I couldn't get the tap itself to stop dripping.  So I put the bucket right underneath the tap.  I was amazed at the amount of water that accumulated overnight.  Wow.  This morning on my way to work I dropped off a written service request.  They called me at work to confirm it was okay to enter my apartment and it was replaced by noon.  Now that is good service.  I now have a brand new sink.  They did leave somewhat of a mess that took me awhile to clean up.  I just sat down here at my desk when Lexie, my kitty, decided to throw up her supper.  On the carpet.  Got that nicely cleaned up and finally sat down here again and tried to draw a card from The Witches Tarot (Ellen Cannon Reed) but the cards just did not want to be shuffled.  I give up for today and put them away.

Instead here is a picture I took this afternoon of a lovely tree outside of my office at work.  It made me smile.  It was a dull, dreary, off and on rainy day, but looking at this tree made my day.  The joys of nature.

to be continued ...

Just not myself lately and haven't been able to write or play with my cards.  Sometimes I wonder who I am.  Earlier in the year, I was writing my "memoirs" as requested by my son and certainly came upon some unexpected emotion.  Discovered things I had hidden deep within.  I am far behind in this project as I had to set it aside before beginning again.  Work through what came up first. 

Working two jobs for the price of one has taken a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally.  I get through the work day just fine and am able to handle all the extra work but once home, there is no energy left.  There is no motivation left.  My boss finally got a job description written up and before sending it out to an agency, will distribute it to all our office staff.  Someone may know someone who knows someone.  Hopefully it won't be long before there is someone for me to train.  Get some normalcy back in my working life.

I tried to meditate today with not much luck.  The lady next door had her tv on so loud, that is all I could hear. Even with earplugs in and the window closed.   It is quite a warm day so her windows are open.  I had to laugh.  Nothing can be easy.

For the next little while I am going to use The Witches Tarot by Ellen Cannon Reed.  My note in the book says I bought it Aug 2006.  The deck was still in order, never used.  Honestly, the book scares me as I don't really understand it and haven't taken the time to try.  I am not sure I like the cards but will give them a try for a few days.

Today's draw:

Drew the Two of Wands first.  Seeing all the yellow, my first thought was the sun, life. He looks to me to be very strong mentally and perhaps is controlling those leaves.  It seems wands are air (I think of them as fire).  Per the book, it says something about making plans.  This is true.  I have a list of them.  For more clarification, I shuffled again and drew the Three of Wands.  A little different from what I usually see for this card.  My first thought was this is me ... the younger version, the current one and the older one.  Also filled with yellow and they are so intense.  Their wands form a triangle which looks like a star to me.  A star is hope.  I should continue working on my plans.  Exactly what I am doing.  When I can.

As always a work in progress ...

PS ... things don't look very good for my cousin's husband who is fighting an aggressive form of cancer.  Not good at all.  He can use all the positive energy and thoughts available.

It was the Canadian Thanksgiving yesterday so an extra day off.  Always nice.  My son hosted dinner.  He did all the cooking because, well, he is amazing.  Going to school to be a computer programmer, his job to help put him through school, is as a cook in a prestigious conference center/cafe/hotel/weddings etc etc that is a part of the university and sits high up on the most beautiful land.  He really could be a chef if he so chooses and perhaps he just might.  Who knows.  For now, I prefer he finish college, get the programmer degree.  Anyway, off topic.  

It was wonderful to have a family gathering with good food, lots of laughs. Exactly what I needed.  And exactly what my daughter and her boyfriend needed after they spent Friday evening and all day Saturday at the funeral activities for his best friend who was killed.  All the more reason to be grateful and thankful to be together.

This morning just before heading out the door for work, I sat down to pull a card. (still going to use Tarot of the Old Path for a few more days).  Something different.  I quickly had a look so I could keep it in my mind as I went about my day.

Again with the red.  He has a serious look on his face and he is obviously carrying something important.  I do think it is for me!!  There has been some uncertainty within me about a certain project and whether or not to continue.  Lately, I feel I have come through a crisis, ready to let go and leave it behind.  This Page is telling me indeed there is a new beginning/a new phase.  Listen to the messages I am receiving. 

My decision before I sat down to really have a look at the card was to continue with the project.  I believe this is the correct way to proceed.

Off I go to enjoy some left-over butternut squash soup made by Chef Jordan sent home with me last evening to enjoy today.  Steamed up a few veggies to go with it.  Yummy.

starving ....

A glorious hot mostly sunny day today, however, it is likely to be the last for awhile.  Very windy right now.  No doubt blowing in some cooler air.

I had a bit of a setback today after I got home from work when a certain email appeared.  Funny how quickly I went right back into a horrible place.  However, I am proud to say, I rebounded within 15 minutes.  Deleted the email.  Talked to myself.

Got out the cards and what card fell out but:

Had this card the other day. I tried to continue shuffling for more clarification but the cards would not let me.  They kept falling all over the place and made it obvious this was the card for today.  Very appropriate really considering where I went for 15 minutes.  Seeing the lady in red looking intently and happily (she does have a tiny smile on her face) towards her future wherever that may take her made me smile with joy.  And I was back.

moving forward ....

The card for today (from Tarot of the Old Path by Howard Rodway)

Looking at this card, I find I feel peaceful.  I like how the sun seems to be the source of the water as it trickles down to the stream.  Seems to me there is a lot of protection in this card.  There is quite a bit of detail that doesn't show up in the picture.  The sign of Taurus at the top of the border.  My sun is in Taurus.

I have the words "balance and harmony" written on a piece of paper taped at eye level here at my desk for the purpose of visualization.  Originally there to help me with a certain situation which is now resolved, however, it is a permanent goal.  This card makes me think of this.

So, today would have been my grandmother's 112 birthday.  Since she lived with my mom and dad after the passing of my grandfather in 1972 until mom's passing in 1990, I knew her well.  A lovely lady.  Happy birthday grama ♥ Here is an old old picture of a fun day, taken in one of those old photo booths. That is me with my eyes closed.  

A beautiful time of the year.  Can't help but smile.  My daughter took this picture the other day.  The colour won't last long and the leaves will be gone.  Everything seemed perfect.

Brings joy to the heart looking at it.

The good, the bad and the ugly.  Such a mixture of emotions.

First the good:

Had a free mini-facial after work yesterday.  Oh my gosh, I could have laid there all night.  Got some really excellent advice for my skin type, age and products etc. I really want to go for a full 2 hour facial.  And maybe a massage.  Oh yeah, they cost money.  Will have to look at my budget.

Got some much needed closure on a situation in my life needing closure for quite some time.  I am not going to lie, I still don't understand what went so wrong and understand I probably never will.  I've been working on getting to this point and yesterday I got there.  At least I certainly hope so.  Felt like it.  

The Bad:

Been sick for two days with flu like symptoms and end up with a migraine by day's end.  Went to work both days but if I feel like this when I wake up tomorrow morning, I think I will stay home.  It is hard right now as I don't have time to be sick.  I am already doing my job plus another job and if I am not there that leaves someone else to do three jobs.  Hopefully I will be feeling better but if not, I will call my co-worker and tell her to just leave everything for me on Thursday.   sigh

The Ugly:

My daughter's boyfriend just lost his best friend.  This friend was shot to death, murdered, Saturday night.  Another person was also shot but he survived.  Poor Chris was to meet up with his friend on Sunday and was calling him Sunday morning getting no answer.  He finally went on facebook to write him a message when he saw some RIP's.  He confirmed what he did not want to face.   How does one deal with something like this.   Our town does not have many murders ... this will be the 5th for the year.  Five too many for sure.  The police did make an arrest, and this is good, however, does not help the grief.

My choice for a deck the next few days is Tarot of the Old Path by Howard Rodway.  Can't remember when I got it since I didn't write the date in the book.  I do know I've never used it.

Today's card:

My first thought seeing the lady's red dress is she is strong and vibrant.  And like me middle aged.  She is looking forward to her future.

That is all I get right now.  Its been a rough day.  

to a better tomorrow ....