Sunday, July 29, 2012

So, the purge is taking longer than I ever thought it would.  Spent most of the weekend, setting up my laptop with everything I have on here.  I had never taken the time to do that.  I never liked the laptop as it is too small.  It does come in handy though since it is moveable.  It will be a great backup and I can have things on there that won't need to be put on my new computer (if it ever gets out of that box LOL). None of the moving around of my space got started and will have to wait until next weekend.  Actually this works out since I work this week and then am off for a week. 

I am very sad that my three astrology programs (from Matrix software) will not be compatible (they are ancient).  I can't install them on the laptop.  I emailed them though to see if there is anything I can do.  Can't afford to re-purchase. 

I did a meditation session and it was very emotional.  Took me back to a time in my life when I was truly happy (before things changed when I was 6)  It was absolutely wonderful to feel this and of course the tears started to flow.  I am to work on remembering this girl.  Soon as I was out of the mediation, I went right to my old photos and found one of my first love.  How sweet and how happy we were just being.

He was the boy next door, my best friend in the whole world and it broke my heart when we had to move away.  Often wonder what happened to him.

Pulled a card from Nature Spirits Oracle Cards and got Follow Your Path

"she chooses to stand on one path, even though there are many different paths around her.  She asks me to trust and follow the path that feels right to me"

I believe I am on the right path.  I just keep falling off or perhaps falling behind.  But that is okay. It is all part of the journey.

I am grateful today for the beautiful view out my window as I type this ... a beautiful blue sky with just a hint of white, a forest of trees moving gently in the breeze and the birds singing.

I am grateful for the productive weekend I had and for what I accomplished even though it was not what was planned.

I am grateful to a special friend who, by way of his words, made me feel like I mattered, like I have made a difference in others' lives.  Thank you.

I am grateful Mr. Neighbour to my left, Mrs. Neighbour to my right and Young Neighbour above are all very quiet this weekend.  Makes a difference.

to be continued ....

Friday, July 27, 2012

The best thing is ... TGIF.  I worked through my lunch and left work at 3pm.  I knew a thunderstorm was going to happen, just didn't know when.  I was riding my bike today so for sure wanted to be home when it appeared.  It has arrived and I am safely at home.  Am grateful for this.  Quite enjoyed my bike ride home.  There was a nice breeze to help offset the heat and humidity.  I saw many cute little chipmunks racing across the bike path. Leaving early gave me enough time to stop at the grocery store and pick up some supplies for the weekend.

I bought myself a new computer the other day, however, I haven't taken it out of the box yet.  It was on sale and I had my co-worker friend help me decide on one.  He is manager of IT so knows a little bit about these things.  Since it was on sale, I had to get it or lose it.  So I got it. 

However, that means I need to re-arrange my "office" area located in my bedroom.  It means moving some things around, which in turn means cleaning places that perhaps haven't seen a good clean for quite some time.  So I decided today this weekend is going to be "purge weekend".  Beginning with this computer and getting some important stuff off and ready to put on the new one once it is up and running.  I am actually looking forward to the cleaning, the re-organizing and definitely the purging.  Always feels good.  And I need to feel good.  Once the bedroom is done, I might end up doing the whole apartment, who knows.  Will see what happens.

Taking a little break from my normal routine of daily exercise, meditation, tarot readings ... this also feels good and probably needed.  Will get back into it once I have this purge complete.

Well it is like night in here and the thunder and lightning is scaring me. LOL  I really should turn off this old computer for the duration of the storm just in case.  Time to go fill my tummy anyway.

to be continued ...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Been a little off so far this week.  Many things happening all at once to loved ones, difficult, challenging things.  Confident it will all work out in the end but for now I am needed elsewhere.  The writing isn't flowing and my thoughts are all over the place.

Strange how life is.

to be continued ...

Friday, July 20, 2012

Why does life have to be so challenging.  Oh okay, no answer for that.  Perhaps it is Mercury retro or maybe the New Moon.  This was a week off work.  Apart from the heat, it started out great.  Tuesday, it began to break.  I had an appointment to go to and headed out mid day .. walking.  Immediately knew it was too hot to walk but had no choice at this point.  I needed a change of clothes by the time I got to my destination!! Luckily I was smart enough to fill my thermos with cold water.

After my appointment, I went to exchange my modem for a newer model.  This went smoothly.  When I got home, hooked it up, nothing worked.  Not my desktop, not my laptop, not my IPod.  I did all the things they suggest.  Turn off, check the cables etc etc.  Nothing.  Called for help.  They could see the problem but could not fix.  Told me it could be up to 48 hours.  Excuse me ... don't you know I am off work this week and I need my computer?  I have work to do.  At this point I was hot, tired, frustrated and on the verge of tears.  I called my daughter. Someone needed to know my frustration and be able to talk me down.  Bless her, she did.  Sort of.  I was still upset but resigned to finding something else to do until fixed.  If I had been working, it would not have bothered me at all.  Being at home and having plans to accomplish a lot ... but it meant having the use of a computer ... well 'nuf said.

Obviously, I have it back now.  When the call came everything was now in order only my laptop worked.  I use my desktop for most of my activities.  It would not connect.  Again, I had to call.  Finally, the lady I was talking to figured out the problem. 

However, the whole thing threw me right off my path so to speak.  I didn't want to change my plan for the week.  I let the disruption upset me and it isn't easy for me to be un-upset.  I spent today trying to catch up to the point I feel much better and I still have the weekend before returning to work on Monday.

There was no exercise or meditation today.  I lost track of time and evening is upon me.  I did shuffle and draw a card from Nature Spirits Oracle Cards:

Contemplation & Reflection - a sentence from the Guide book "Look at your challenges from a higher perspective" ...  wise words.  Perhaps I need to do some contemplation and reflecting on the past few days.  How I reacted perhaps.  Lessons to learn.

From a higher perspective the challenges of this past week are nothing in comparison to what others are going through, facing, dealing with.  People close to me.  People around the world.  I am grateful.

My love and healing energy go full force to Jeff (my cousin's husband) who has been fighting his battle with cancer and still not out of the woods as we'd hoped.  Set backs happen but hope is always present.  Love you Jeff.

to be continued ....

Monday, July 16, 2012

What can I say.  It is too hot.  Living in a country where we only have two, maybe three months of hot weather it is sad to complain.  All winter we wait for this.  I actually enjoy the winter but have to be honest enjoy the summer more.  I could do without the humidity and would move somewhere without in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself.

Despite the heat, I managed to walk over to the grocery store for supplies.  Walked/ran on the treadmill for 20 minutes and did a mini version of a workout.  After that, I was done.  It is time to look into a window air conditioning unit.  I hesitate because my apartment only has the balcony sliding door and a bedroom window.  My kitties use the bedroom window to sit in (I have my dresser positioned perfectly in front of the window so they can lounge) all the time.  If I close it up, that option will be gone for them.  This would not make me happy.  So a bit of a dilemma.

I did not do a meditation session today although had planned to.  I did shuffle the Nature Spirits Oracle cards and pulled a card for the day. 


It is telling me to be aware of everything I see and feel as I will receive signs in my everyday life.  Perhaps signs of the clarity I have been seeking or signs of new opportunities.  Use my power of observation in better ways.

I am liking these cards.  A lot.  They say a lot but are playful and cute.  A nice combination for me right now.

My beautiful daughter and her boyfriend.  She is joy.

to be continued ....

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Up early this Sunday morning.  Looking forward to the day ahead.  It is going to be an busy day as I try to get some much needed housework done (can't put it off any longer), get over to the grocery store for some supplies and then, settle down for some serious study (which is fun for me).

Looks like a rain kinda day.  Totally overcast and very humid.  We haven't had much rain and really need some.  Will have to see if it actually rains.  Perhaps a thunderstorm.

Just for fun drew a card from Nature Spirits Oracle Cards to see what I should give thought to today.

Rebel - from the Guide Book - "This Nature Spirit stands alone and feels a little different from the rest.  Remember, being different is not a bad thing.  You are just as unique as this Nature Spirit and should relish being different."

Okay ... I've always felt different growing up in many ways although I tried to blend in.  I've always been independent (although sometimes forced on me as a child and as an adult), I enjoy working/being by myself and am a self starter.  I am in the learning process of putting into practice the fact I don't need to prove myself to anyone and it doesn't matter what they think.  At the same time I am kind and fair to others.

Food for thought today as I go about my chores. My babies are still sleeping :)))

to be continued ...

Saturday, July 14, 2012

A headache kinda day and that sucks.  Also a Mercury retro kind of day.  On paper this looks okay for me this time around.  Mercury retro at 12 Leo is trine my natal Moon in Sag(1)(Mercury and Moon are natally opposite), sextile natal Mercury (a little off at 13Gemini55)(7) and also sextile Neptune in Libra (11).  Will have to see how it plays out.
 Earlier today, I was catching up on some blogs I read and left comments in three of them.  In one I left a comment on two posts.  Looking back later, only one of my comments showed up in one blog. The others.  Gone :(  I was going to try to re-write but decided against (would never remember what I originally wrote anyway) and leave as is.  Guess there is a reason somewhere for them being gone.
Yesterday, as I do every Friday, I rode my bicycle to work.  It was a chore as it was hot and humid.  Going in the early morning was a little easier than making my way home at 4pm.  A few times my poor little legs felt like they wanted to stop.  But on I went.  My day at work had been very busy physically so add this on to a 30 minute bike ride home, a stop at the grocery store, filling my backpack full to the brim weighing, well who knows ... by the time I got home I was ready for bed ... well a shower for sure!! :))

Today is another hot humid day making it hard to get motivated.  Proud of myself for getting on my treadmill and walking/running for 20 minutes, doing some stretching, as well as my special back exercises.  I have to be determined.

Wanting a new tarot deck to play with, I opened one of the spaces where I have some decks and randomly pulled out a deck.  Turned out to be an oracle deck ... Nature Spirits.  It has been stuck at the back of the drawer for eons.  Nice to see it again.  Spent some time shuffling it and getting a feel for it and drew a card:

Leap of Faith - from the Guide Book "As the Nature Spirit takes that leap of faith, she is focused, trusting and determined, and she asks you to be the same."  Interesting that I used the word "determined" earlier.  I did not read the guide book until right now as I was writing this.  This card reinforces my determination to trust myself, to move forward and away from the past (and my hurts) and to ask for help in doing so.  Try something new to help break old habits.  And most important to know I have it all within myself.

I know this stuff but constantly need to remind myself to keep on the path.  It isn't easy changing old habits.  But I am damn well going to give it a try.  Actually it is exciting.

to be continued ....

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Card for today from DruidCraft deck:

2 of Cups - obviously for me it is not about a love relationship.  Not today anyway.  It aligns perfectly with what I am working on in my meditation sessions.  As I look at the card it speaks to me of healing; the power of love to heal, to calm.  Balance and harmony. 

Last night, as a creative visualization aid, I printed a picture of myself with my friend in a happy moment with the words "balance and harmony" underneath.  I taped it eye level here at my desk so every time I sit down, I will look at it, read those words and put that out into the Universe.  It does work.

It was a good day at work.  I had a nice lunch with my daughter.  It is getting really humid and hot again (the hot never left but the humidity left for a few days).  As always, on Fridays, I ride my bicycle to work so am grateful there is no rain in the forecast. 

to be continued ....

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I am grateful I woke up this morning.
I am grateful I had a job to go to.
I am grateful I enjoy my job (mostly).
I am grateful I have a home to come to after work is finished.
I am grateful for my knowledge, such as it is, and,
I am grateful I know it is an on-going process, never ending.

Today was a pretty good day.  The sun was shining and although hot, the humidity is still down.  There is some relief from the heat.  It is on the way back, however, that is in the future and I am here.

My daughter is not doing well the last little while and she unloaded on me on the way home from work.  That was fine.  I am grateful she feels she can tell me her deepest thoughts and fears.  However, it does upset me (I would never tell her) and I had a little cry when I got home as a release.  Once that was out, I was able to exercise and sit down for my meditation session.  I have a little cabin where I spend some time during these sessions so I conjured up my daughter and gave her a tour.  Held her hands and tried to pass on some strength.  Once that was complete, I continued on to meet my guide and again most of the focus was on my failed relationship with a dear friend.  My concentration today being on balance and harmony between us.  It was a good session.

Drew two cards from the DruidCraft deck with this relationship still in mind:

16 The Tower
5 of Cups

Both are gorgeous cards and so perfect.  Our relationship falling apart, exploding apart and my sense of loss.  But also with the two cups behind him (me), it is time to focus on the present, looking toward the future, not focusing on what has been lost.  Focus on what still is and will be.  This is my lesson ... learning to let go.  Not easy for a Taurus Sun/Scorpio Asc. square Saturn person.  Life changes, people change, they come and go, we must adapt ...

to be continued .....

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

So, I've been (emotionally) disturbed of late not really knowing how to get rid of it.  It is somewhat of an on-going issue, however, it has reared its ugly head big time in the last two months but came to a head this past week.  Without revealing personal details, it involves a close friend of over 40 years. This friendship has now deteriorated to the point of no return.  Very very sad indeed.  She did something at the beginning of May that totally devastated me.  I mean down on the floor weeping and staying there for days.  Well I'm exaggerating as I didn't stay on the floor, however, I did shed many tears and two days later my back started to hurt.  Not to mention work was extremely busy at this time so I had no time to work my feelings through.  I had to continue on.  Oh ... worst part is this person works where I do (I got her the job) so I have to see her everyday.  Last week we had our yearly evaluations and something negative was said to her during hers and she is blaming me.  What was said is true.  However what was said did not come from me.  She is assuming.  Anytime she walks near me, the aura she gives off towards me is hate.  I doubt she is aware of it but I feel it.  It hurts so deep.

Anyway with all this said, today I decided as soon as I got home from work, I would spend a meditation session working with my guide on ways to work this out for myself.  This is going to take time but it was a good session and I already have some insight.  At one point and I think this is probably a natural reaction, I wanted to defend myself and strike back.  I didn't and am so glad I didn't.  Today's session showed me that.  Despite everything, I always smile, say hello when/if I see her at work.  However, I do not (anymore) go out of my way to chat with her.  I have stayed out of her way.   I don't believe I want to salvage the friendship.  However, my main goal is to be able to feel good again. 

When I got home I did my weight workout plus the extra exercises for my back.  Gold star for Carol.  I sat down to meditate (put some earplugs in so I would not be disturbed) and 20 minutes later opened my eyes.  Wow.  Then I wrote in my tarot/mediation journal so I would not forget what was talked about and felt "down" there.

Got out my DruidCraft deck and pulled a card.  Did not look at it until I finished writing.

3 of Wands

What a perfect card for all that went on in my session and what I want to do.  I love it.  I love the strength it gives off.  And the hope for the future.  The man in the card is so strong and that is exactly what I need to be.  It is what I am.  I forgot that sometimes.
Keep focusing on what brings me joy ... the tarot, astrology, reading good books, my kitties, my children, my friends  .....

to be continued ....

Friday, July 6, 2012

And the heat continues.  On Fridays my ride to work is off so I have to find my own way there.  I choose to bicycle since 95% of the way there is on the bike/walking path along the river and its enjoyable.  Makes me feel good.  Takes me about 25 minutes so a decent workout.

BUT not so much when it is 37C, feeling like maybe 43C.  That was the temp when I headed home after work.  My thermos was full of cold water and I just took my time.  I stopped half way in a nice clearing with a few benches.  I grabbed my IPod to listen to a song before I got back on my bike; heard a noise, turned around and there was a deer.  So close.  We starred at each other.  I oh so gently moved my hand to touch the camera icon on my IPod so I could get a picture but the deer started running before I could get one taken.  So I clicked away anyway following along.  This was the highlight of my day and put a big smile on my face.  Doesn't get better than nature, even on such a hot day LOL.

No playing with my cards today.  Too hot.  Going to get comfy on the couch and watch a movie (and probably fall asleep).  Tomorrow is another day.

to be continued ...

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Now that I am back at work, my routine changes.  And it is extremely hot. And me with no a/c.  I must think about getting a window unit.  It is almost impossible to concentrate or even get motivated to do anything once I'm home.  I am tired, grumpy and hot.

I grabbed my Vanessa Tarot since it is a light, fun deck and drew three cards.  When I saw them, any meaningful interpretation was out the window. I laughed.

4 of Wands - in this deck one lady is playing in a tub full of water, splashing around.  Oh that must feel good. Reminds me I need to go have a cool shower.

The Star - again some water. This lady is in a bikini standing in a pool of water looking oh so cool.

And then the 8 of Swords ... the eights just won't go away will they.  Back to the self-created stuff again. And I totally understand why they keep coming up and am working on it.  But hey can't it go away just for one day.  No water in this 8.

The cards have spoken, I am going to go cool down.

to be continued ....

Monday, July 2, 2012

It has been a "me" day.  My last day before returning to work after a week off.  A little sad as I have so enjoyed this time and the freedom it gives me.  Tomorrow, right away at 9am, I have my yearly evaluation meeting.  Welcome back to work, Carol.  Usually these go well for me so I am not really concerned.  However, this year I do have more to say than usual and I need courage to speak.  Easier not to speak.  Don't want to do that.  I spent some time earlier in the week preparing myself some notes (just in case my brain goes blank as I sit there LOL).

I spent a good portion of the afternoon working on the lessons involved in the entrance exam for The Magical Circle school.  I'm moving along.  As I said before, there is more involved than I realized in the beginning, however, it gets the old brain working and that is important.

My meditation today was interesting.  My guide and I spent some time with the Sun.  All I could see and think about was the 10 of Cups card.  The idea that dreams can come true.  The Sun was focused on my head and I could feel the heat, the energy.  The hope. 

Again from the DruidCraft deck, I drew three cards.  My thoughts were focused on tomorrow at work and some little things I need to follow up on relating to some decisions in my life.

1 - The Fool
2 - The Sun
3- 8 of Wands

Very interesting cards today.  The Fool again.  Got him the other day telling me to not be afraid, to take the risks.  Today, as the first card, I thought he is giving me the courage and indeed I am taking the risks.   The Sun ... well what can I say.  Love this card and had just spent some time with the Sun.  Have to be optimistic seeing the Sun appear.

The 8 of Wands also speaks to me of being excited and on my way to achieving my goal or goals.  Realizing my hard work will pay off.  Two days in a row I got the 8 of Swords.  Swords is air ... thoughts, ideas etc.  Today it shows itself as a Wand.  Wands are fire .. taking action.  Time to take some action. 

The above adds up to 27 = 9 which is the Hermit.  My renewed interest in meditation and discovering my inner self in order to help my outer self.  And listen to my guide.

I like these cards today as they do give me hope and optimism for what is ahead of me tomorrow.  I am not concerned my yearly evaluation meeting will go badly.  I am good at my job and been there for 22 years.  I need the courage to say some things I need to say.  This won't affect my position in any way.  It will affect my Self and my growth.

It has been a wonderful week off with an extra day today ...

to be continued ....

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Happy Canada Day.  (I think we are 145 years old). Another very hot day here in southwestern Ontario.  Looking at the forecast, it seems it will be around to mid week anyway (that is as far as the forecast goes).  A little too hot for one who doesn't have a/c and perhaps I might have to think about getting a window unit.

I've had a busy day finishing up some housework and getting things in order to go back to work on Tuesday.  Managed to do everything on the list and now tomorrow will be a "me" day.  Yay!!

Just finished a meditation session although it did not go as planned.  I ended up spending the entire session with a good friend who lives in the UK who I don't get to see.  We sat on the porch of my cabin overlooking nature totally at peace.  We didn't need to talk much as our communication was on a deeper level.  There is something in real life she is wishing for which absolutely could become a reality although it hasn't manifested yet.  It seemed to me, while in the session, we were focusing on this wish as we sat.  Thanks for a special mediation experience my dear friend.

Using the DruidCraft, I drew three cards.

1 - 8 of Swords - this one came up yesterday as well and at first I wondered why it was showing itself again.

2 - Princess of Pentacles - She is alone concentrating on the pentacle in her hand.  My first thought was the meditation sessions are exactly what I need to be doing.  Working on my vision as I'd like it to manifest.  The card also shouts out to me that she does not mind being alone.  She looks content.  An important message for me.

3- Prince of Pentacles - He is determined and will not stop until the job is done.  He is telling me to continue along.  Be healthy ... eat right, exercise, meditate, work hard.  It will pay off.

The message today .. keep working at it Carol.  And indeed I will.  The Pentacles are earth and my sun is in Taurus.  I do have patience, I am determined.  Definitely fall off the path on occasion but always get myself back on.   Even though I feel stuck (8 of Swords), I am working my way through it.  I am finding ways and there is hope.

to be continued ....