Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Baby steps back

Been awhile. I haven't written or journaled in many many months and so am definitely out of practice. However, writing/journaling benefits me in so many various ways, here I go with an attempt.

When I retired mid June, I had no idea two months later I'd still be transitioning to this new life. Definitely taking longer than I ever imagined to clear my head of decades of "work information".  Surprised as well how many emotional ups and downs there have been. 
As long as I can remember, my routine was based around my job. Now there is no set routine, no alarm clock getting me up ... it is 100% up to me to work out an order of sorts.  

Once I realized this was going to be a slower process than I anticipated, I gave myself permission to do nothing or rather do whatever.  It has been quite enlightening what I gravitated to but that is a whole other blog.

Now the time has come for the cards to come out and for me to be my creative self again.

Starting small by using only two cards and using the Universal Waite tarot, I asked  "what do I need to know about getting my writing/journal/tarot mojo back".

The 3 of Pents shows me I need to put in the effort but also share with others, listen and receive back. Indeed I have begun the process of doing just that by reaching out to like minded folks who can help me and me help them.

The 10 of Cups tells me I can get my "joy" back.  Much to my dismay it disappeared a few years ago after always being there to help me through all the challenges thrown my way. Seeing this card my eye went immediately to the children playing.  I did this regularly last winter/spring as I struggled through another pressure and stress filled tax season.  I dug down deep and brought out my 6 year old self to play with me and we had fun each evening. She really did show me what laughing and having fun can mean.  Tarot is something that is fun for me.

The Shadow card (bottom of the deck card) is The Fool. For me this totally connects to the innocence of the children playing and my need to be more like that in present time. Also The Fool is telling me to just go for it.  Stop overthinking everything.

These cards add up to 13 - Death.  Am thinking this is my excuse voice, my lack of confidence voice and even some illogical fear. However, I also see Death, particularly with these cards, indicating the clearing away of the old routines, the old way of being.  Leading to a band new me for this part of my journey. I am okay with it being a slow process.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Just some words

I am a child again waiting for a future time that seems to take forever to arrive. The problem being I want to be in the now rather than waiting.  Seems easy on the surface but as I have discovered not so easy.

I've worked at the same job for almost 27 years and am grateful for those years. It saved me at a time when I found myself with two young children to take care of on my own. It fed us, kept a roof over our head and gave us a good life.  I enjoyed the work, thrived on the pressures and even the stresses a busy January to May tax season can bring. But the time has come to call it a day.  Time to move on to what I am really passionate about.  Time to have the time and the mental energy to actually spend on these activities.

Getting through this last tax season has been harder than I anticipated.  Two voices ... one keeps me going one day at a time, the other allows me to dream about life post work.

44 more working days.  It often feels like it will never arrive.

The last few years have been extremely challenging personally for me. Many changes, decisions, letting go, personal growth, moments of wondering what it is all about.  The growth, the questions, the curiosity will never end and that is what I love.

My wonderful friend, SM, surprised me once again with the arrival of another of her paintings.  This one, when I first looked at it, saw only the beautiful bubble of yellow.  It captures and engulfs me. The turmoil and challenges ... being the darkness ... will always be a part of me but the yellow will win.  My eye on the yellow as I learn, grow and evolve.

I am so grateful for people like SM in my life who brighten my spirit.

Grateful for my beautiful daughter who loves me for who I am with no expectations. Very rare.

Grateful for my son who opened my eyes to a whole new world. Travelling with him to our jobs in the city this past year and a half  (an hour there, an hour home) has been amazing.  I will miss this special time together.

Grateful for the community here on-line and am looking forward to having the time to catch up with everyone. Their blogs, activities and interacting again.

44 more working days!!! I can do it.  Yes I can.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Extended hiatus

... to be continued after June 17, 2016.

(my current day job ends forever on that day and my time will be my own - let the countdown begin :)))

Monday, August 17, 2015

My Ace of Cups

A wonderful painting. The artist, my late ex-mother-in-law, gifted me several of her creations just before she passed.  They are treasures to me, and at the time, didn't realize just how significant.

This particular painting represents my new beginning with all the excitement and the challenges.  My new found courage and inspiration.

Imagine the possibilities as I continue on my journey getting in touch with who I am deep within, where I fit, how I connect with others and others to me.  


Sunday, August 9, 2015


The second absolutely beautiful painting by my generous friend, SM, arrived not long ago.  I keep looking at it thinking how it was painted just for me and how perfect it is.

The Queen of Pentacles comes to my mind right away.  Then I realize that is me sitting there.  A calm, content and pleased me.  Taking a moment to contemplate, to enjoy my new life.

Ten months later, this new life is a challenge but wonderful all at the same time. Moving from a city to a town with 5,000 people is an adjustment.  In the painting there is a city in the background.  Well I see it as a city ... since I haven't quite left the city behind.  Work is still there, driving an hour there and an hour back every day is still my reality.  For the next 17 months.

The big city offer much. My new surroundings are worth all the sacrifices. The quiet, the friendliness of the townfolk and the beauty all make up for the inconveniences of not having the best internet service, having only one small expensive grocery store and no department store.  Planning is needed.

A year ago this new life of mine was a fantasy.  Unreachable it seemed.  Then one phone call changed everything and this transition from my old life to this new life began.  So many changes. Ongoing, challenging but the right path.  There is no doubt.

Oh the possibilities.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Burdens lifed

A far away fiend, who paints, told me she was going to toss her collection thinking they weren't very good anyway.  Oh my gosh, I said.  Don't do that. I'll take them.  She agreed and is sending me one painting at a time, whenever the urge strikes her.  I have not seen them so each will be a surprise.

The first painting arrived a few weeks ago.

Upon opening, I was amazed at the colours used and what a perfect fit for my bedroom wall in my new home.  Once my painting job is complete, this is where her painting will live.

Second thought ... Six of Swords ... with the perspective of the arrival rather than the leaving.  I've already gone through the process of figuring out new solutions and perspectives.  I've created a new cycle allowing old difficulties to be resolved or put behind me.  Burdens lifted as a new life begins.

Thank you SM - your painting is perfect.  Can't wait for the next one to arrive.

Smiles :)))))

(SM knows nothing of tarot)

Sunday, February 22, 2015


Unfortunately not much time for tarot these tax season work days. Sad yes.  And since my relocation last November, the commute to work is two hours a day spent in a car.  The positive is I get to spend these two hours with my son.  We work only ten minutes from each other so everything has worked out.  It is joy to spend these two hours five days a week with him.

We used to leave in the dark, come home in the dark.  Then when the weather was right, amazing sunsets.  The last two weeks, we get to see the sun rise.  What a sight.  Pure joy.  Going home, the sun is higher and not quite ready to set.  But the occasional great picture shows itself.  As we drive along I can't stop myself from snapping picture after picture.  Even on the worst days when it is stormy and windy, nature is truly amazing.  A little dangerous at times for sure.  The winter stormy part of the commute isn't exactly joyful and it has been a bad winter.

My goal: Keep finding joy in the simple things.  They are everywhere. This was last Thursday on the way home a little later than usual.  Sun right in our eyes.

My card of the day today: Understanding (Page of Water) from the Osho Zen Tarot.  Perfect.

'Til next time