Clear and Release

Happy happy 2014 to all who take the time to stop by here.  Thanks to those who have passed on their wisdom and insights freely.  Here and on your own blogs.  It truly is an amazing adventure.

The holidays with my family was wonderful. Good food, good wine, fun games, lots of laughter. Times to treasure. 

I am lucky to have the coming week off work. For most of it will be off-line.  A much needed break from the whirlwind of the past month and really all of 2013.  Not my best year but it is the challenges we tend to grow from.  I want to take this coming week to sort through the good and the bad.  Rework and refocus.  What do I want to manifest in 2014.

A short time ago, I got out my Nature Spirits Oracle Cards (Elizabeth J Foley).  Have to love the cards.

Clear and Release.  This is exactly what I will be doing in the coming days.  I came to this conclusion this morning and am very excited.  Freeing myself of what is no longer needed or wanted. I can absolutely feel the energy.

to an amazing 2014 for all of us .... one day at a time ....

  

Rain, Ice, Snow

My first thoughts today are with all those affected by the huge rain/ice/snow storm across southern Ontario all the way to the east coast in Canada and the northeast US.  Where you are depends on what is falling from the sky.  My town was spared the worst of it.  We still have power and not as much freezing rain fell.  However, only an hour from here to the east and beyond, thousands are left with everything covered in ice resulting in no power and many no heat either.  Some are my friends and family. Be safe.

 Today's card, again from The Wildwood:

I like this Knight of Vessels.  There is a calmness to it.  The movement is very smooth.  It seems to me this eel is telling me to be adaptable and keep moving forward with my dreams.  They can be a reality if I believe, truly believe this to be true.  The court cards generally give me trouble, still.   It can mean someone will enter my life to help guide me along my path.  More likely it refers to within me rather than outside myself.  Perhaps acknowledging my focus and intent.

I am grateful to be inside with no where to go today ...

A whirlwind of sorts

As always there just isn't enough hours in a day.  Work has been extremely busy this past two weeks leaving me exhausted by the time I make it home.  Getting ready for the holiday season has fallen behind meaning more rushing around.  It is my daughter-in-law's birthday on the 24th so we are making it her special day.  Apparently growing up this did not always happen for her as all too often is the case with a birthday so close to a huge holiday.  My son is determined to make it her day and rightly so.  

This past week, by way of http://bythesycamoretree.blogspot.ca , (thank you so so much) I am now the proud owner of two new tarot decks.  How exciting is that!!  I am so grateful and will treasure them.

Today I took an hour to spend with one of the decks, The Wildwood Tarot (Mark Ryan & John Matthews).  I did a "getting to know your new deck" spread, however, won't share here since it is between me and The Wildwood.

I did later do a card of the day draw:

I saw that moon rising on the horizon the other day.  (not on the water however).  It caught me off guard for a moment as my eye noticed it.  I could feel it reaching out to me, deep within me.  Always amazing.  The "bull" in the card (in the book it is called an aurochs - a distant relative) is me, as a Taurus Sun.

This has been a time of progress and growth.  Quite emotional. Understanding and expanding my inner and outer selves and moving forward.  Examination/exploration = transformation.  It feels good to be back on the path again after a temporary fall off.

Thursday evening I sat down and did a mini astro analysis for a young girl at work.  She expressed an interest and was able to give me her birth time.  I told her I was very busy these days but would do a little something for her.  Her excitement, enthusiasm, and especially her amazement after reading my words filled me with encouragement.  Imagine giving her a full astro reading.  Or perhaps a tarot reading as well.  Things to ponder.

There really has been much to be grateful for lately:

My son finished college and walked out of the school for the last time last Thursday.  He is relieved to no longer be working full time while going to school full time.  He is a trooper and am so very proud of him.  

Although yesterday was the 23rd anniversary of my mom's passing, I am grateful to have shared life with her for 41 years.  Sometimes it is hard when I think of all the wonderful things we didn't get to do together, including seeing my children grow up.  She is forever with me. I know it, I feel it.  Just miss her voice, her laughter and her hugs.

I am so grateful for those few who truly love and care for me and me them.  It makes this all worthwhile.  

And, I am grateful for the two new tarot decks I received as a gift.  What a blessing.

life indeed can be wonderful ....

Grief

Someone I cared about very much passed away earlier this week only three months after diagnosis.  Always a sliver of hope because there has to be, however, at the time he told me the news, I knew.  Did not want to know but I knew.

When his son contacted me on Wednesday to give me this sad news, the tears began to fall.  No longer will there be any exchange of our interesting and fun conversations.  No more hello, how are you today.   He was a person who genuinely cared about me and me for him. There are not many of those in my life.  

I will miss him and my heart is heavy.

Happy December

Wow, where has this year gone?  December already. Time seems different as I get older.  There certainly isn't enough of it.  There is more of an urgency to use it wisely.  Fitting personal interests in around a busy full time job is quite the chore. What to leave in, what to put off for later ... what is most important to me.  I want to do them all!!

Determined to spend at least an hour today with my cards, I got out my Morgan-Greer Tarot deck.  I think I bought it off e-bay many years ago and when it arrived I discovered it was the Spanish edition.  Oh well, I said to myself.  The cards are still beautiful and I can learn a little Spanish while reading with them.

Not using a particular spread but with the thought of the month ahead, I drew three cards:

Seems I am on my own in this journey for the month.  Not a surprise.  I really like this 9 of Pentacles, especially the purple.  It speaks to me of growth in awareness, wisdom and my intuition.  She seem very content and grateful for all she has, as am I.  Saying that, the hooded bird reminds me there is still a part of me needing to reach out for a little more and not be too content where I am.  Cannot forget to continue growing. Ever.

This does not need to be done immediately.  It must be thought through from different perspectives, without distractions.  Breathe.  Meditate. Dig deep. Relax.  Allow it!!

I will be ready for the new opportunities coming my way.  Most importantly, I will be a part of creating these new opportunities.

... off to find more time :)

Snow day

The snow started yesterday with periodic snow squalls.  One moment sunny, the next a white-out.  I was out in it briefly yesterday and very happy once home to be an observer from this side of the window.  My view over to my little forest is like a winter wonderland.  Oh so very pretty.  I do not see what the roads are like and the challenges the snow creates.  I have heard it is quite a mess out there.  When I got up early this morning and saw all the snow on my trees, I knew this was to be a relaxing, enjoyable day.  I would make it so.

And I have.  I almost feel guilty as there are many things I could/should be doing.  The choice is mine though isn't it.  I catch myself distracted and lost in thought as I look out the window.  I can just lift my head and there it is.  Perhaps it is time well spent.  This lost in thought time.

And perhaps the Universe is telling me just that, as only minutes ago from the Sacred Circle tarot (Anna Franklin & Paul Mason) I pulled:

Different setting, same idea.  I feel the card is telling me to take advantage of my thought process.  Definitely use my own mind, develop my own ideas.  Also to be careful to actually use the information coming to me and the information I gather myself, not just store it.

My mind can be rather restless.  This card reminds me to use "thought" to make some sense of what is in there.  A meditation of sorts.

There might even be a surprise for me!!  Hmmm ...

Time

The 8 of Wands from the Sacred Circle tarot by Anna Franklin.

What bothers me the most is not having enough time to do what brings me joy.  80% of that would be playing with my cards.  Now that I am above ground again and back on the path, I want so much to write a blog everyday, keep up with all my fav blogs and spend time with a deck or a book.  Fitting this time in eludes me.  So far.  It frustrates me.

My job creates a very busy, not exactly stress free, day.  And I do it well.  Unfortunately, once home there isn't much left.  I have been successful working back in an exercise routine and have been faithfully sticking with it.  That happens as soon as I get home.  I made myself an exercise calendar marked with what needs to be done on a particular day, hung it on my closet door and sign off after I am finished.  Worked.

Perhaps the 8 of Wands wants me to sit down and figure out a plan for the "me" stuff I am so missing.  Not likely will I be able to do something every evening so my goal will be to work a few hours in over the week days and plan my weekends to give me a whole day to myself.  That will have to be flexible but mostly workable.  At least it would be a start.

There is just too much to do and not enough hours in the day ... I need more hours and I need more mental energy left for the evenings.

Some books say the 8 of Wands will bring me a message of love or romance ... hmmm.  Probably not.

Snow and more snow

This was my view today at work.  We are up on a hill and normally as you look out over the parking lot you can see the street going north/south.  It is there somewhere.

Standing at the window looking at the snow as it swirled around, it reminded me of how much we really can't control.  Reminded me to be in the present and find joy in it.  I absolutely took the time today to do that. Instead of saying how it was too soon for snow or how bad the drive home would be, I smiled.

This was the view from my apartment balcony on my lunch during a lull in the snow.  A lull so I was able to come home for lunch. How beautiful and calming is that.  Fifteen minutes after I was back to work it was back to the first picture ... same snow, different perspective. Still a smile.

feeling joyous ...

Clarity

Last Sunday I spent an hour and a half chatting with a psychic/medium.  It was meant to be half an hour but we got carried away and had no idea all that time had gone by.  What a lovely lady she is.  What a wonderful experience for me and as it turned out a needed one. Took her less than a second to get right to the root of who Carol is.  Blew me away.  So very much to process.  It did take most of the week to regain my strength.  Seems I was drained after.  In a nice way.

Anyway, it is back to the normal everyday routines along with incorporating what I know I need to do.  Seems easier now.

I did a meditation and got out The Vanessa Tarot (Lynyrd Nariso) and drew three cards with past, present, future in mind.

Been a little lost at times looking towards the past and although that can be a good thing in order to figure out who you are and the why ...  got stuck.  In order to get back to the present and back on the path, an enormous amount of focus and control is needed.  Be a warrior.  In the end, with a change of thinking, acting on ideas, moving forward will be the result.  Yes, it will be with hard work and challenges but so worth it.

On a different note, tomorrow is Remembrance Day but also my dad's birthday. He would be 91 if still with us.  He passed 6 years ago just after his birthday on Nov 15.  My dad was in the military until he retired at age 50 and began a second career as an accountant.  He is remembered for his service in WWII and for the many years after.  He is remembered as my daddy ... miss and love him.

always and forever ....

Perfectly lonely

Osho Zen Tarot - IX Aloneness:

(from the book) When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues. 

If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your "aloneness" and take responsibility for the choice you have made. 

The humble figure in this card glows with a light that emanates from within. One of Gautam Buddha's most significant contributions to the spiritual life of humankind was to insist to his disciples, "Be a light unto yourself." Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. - Paul Tillich

me: it really is okay ... 

Remaining Positive

Had a wonderful Thanksgiving day with my family yesterday.  I am the reigning Scrabble champ. Try and beat me I say!!  Oh my gosh, the food was better than good.  My son does it all so effortlessly and doesn't want help.  I wouldn't even know where to begin to prepare food in the way he does and especially ending the meal with Creme Brulee for four.  He is amazing and I am so proud of him.

Today wasn't the best day as all the rich, lovely food I rarely eat yesterday triggered a migraine (it was worth it) so I decided to leave work two hours early. A bit of extra time for me to exercise, meditate and relax.  

Despite the little "devil" on my right shoulder telling me it would be okay not to exercise or meditate, I decided to listen to the "angel" on my left shoulder.  I did exercise and I did get a short meditation in and feel much better for doing both.  My goal these days is maintaining my "joy" and remaining positive when I just don't feel I can.  

Feeling I needed a light deck to play with, I dug out the Vanessa Tarot by Lynyrd Narciso. The card I drew: 

Hmm, not so light.  Ten of Swords is not always the most positive card.  However, it really does reflect my goals, my life at this point.  She comes across to me as a strong woman, ready for what faces her.  No matter the circumstance, my attitude, my reaction and my happiness is up to me.  She isn't down and out and for me the red cape indicates this.  The blue perhaps indicates an emotional adjustment.  All these things are true for me.  10's can be the end of something on the way to a new beginning.  A transition maybe because it takes time and hard work.

I am proud of myself for exercising when I did not want to, wasn't going to.
I am proud of myself for meditating if only for a short while.

Jumping for joy and happy to be home ...

Digging deep

Another blue sky warm fall day.  Can't complain about that.  Still lots of leaves on the trees, some a yellow, many are still green.  At least from the viewpoint of my window.  Further north, I am sure the colours are gorgeous.  It gets colder up there.

It has been a difficult to concentrate or focus day although I did manage to get many things off my to-do list.  My meditation was all over the place though and not terribly useful.  Or at least didn't seem so at the time.

Right after, using the Pagan Tarot by Gina Pace, I pulled:

My eye immediately saw all the roots.  Even the tree itself I saw as a series of roots.  Most likely telling me, I need to dig deeper, be prepared and listen.

Then I noticed the book.  For her, it is her book of shadows where she journals, keeps track of her spells etc.  I have a book like that.  However, my thought went to how I have so many books ... shelves and shelves.  All sorts of topics. Some read, some only parts read and others not at all.  Think of all the knowledge and enjoyment at my disposal.  Indeed, I need to start reading again.  

The card overall reminds me of what I always say before a meditation:

I am in the universe, the universe is in my body, the universe and I combine together

As above, so below.

Am off to find a book to begin reading ....

The Gift of Joy

A beautiful time of blue skies and warm weather.  Can't help but smile. Never want it to end although of course it will.  All things end. But an end is a new beginning.  This is where I am these days.  A new beginning.  Feels good.  Plans (with room for change of course) have been thought out and written down. Goals set.  Some reachable each day, some weekly and others over a longer time.  But all attainable.

Life is lighter lately and for that I am grateful.  Grateful for those who hung in with me and perhaps even for those who didn't.  It opened my eyes to many things.

It is hard to find a quiet time to get a nice little meditation in.  My apartment building seems to be filling with folks who don't mind being rather loud.  It was once a quiet wonderful place to live.  Seems that is no longer.  Not sure how to handle this particular situation but am working on it.

Determined, put some earplugs in and meditated. Been missing this very much and it needs to be incorporated back into my daily life.  Once done, I pulled out The Pagan Tarot by Gina Pace.  It is one of my fav decks. I find myself relating to her witch as she goes on her journey.

The card for today:

Ace of Chalices (Cups) ... the picture itself makes me smile.  I love the setting and if I could snap my fingers and be there, I would.  I love how the fish are jumping right out of the cup rough waters or not.  Parts of the lake are smooth as glass while where the fish are headed is a bit rough.  Kinda like me.  I immediately thought of myself jumping back into my life.

The card speaks to me of joy and of acceptance.  I know only too well, it isn't all going to be smooth sailing and that is okay.  Yeah, that is okay.

I am grateful for today.

Letting go

(Mind Reality)

On-going hiatus

Honestly thought the August hiatus would be more than enough.  However, it seems this isn't the case.  The journey is not so magical right now.  (my fear being it might never again be but at the same time knowing it will, it has to be).  My strength has always been the ability to find joy in the simple things in day to day life despite any of the challenges facing me.  It got me through but is letting me down now.  It has deserted me and getting it back has eluded me so far.  Friends I once counted on and trusted, turns out not so much. Pretty much an illusion. One step forward, a hundred back.  Think I'm there only to find I am not.

Who I was is no longer. Moving forward I must re-invent myself working with what is now and the on-going process of finding who that is.  Where do I fit.  Who fits with me.  How to proceed with this journey.  So much harder than I ever imagined.  Truth is I never imagined myself here.

Tarot and astrology, interacting with all of my friends here on-line, means the world to me.  The knowledge and wisdom of everyone so willing to share is priceless.  Letting go of all that is not an option even though my participation is non-existent of late.  My words, my intuition will flow once again.  My excitement to read and comment on my favorite blogs will return.  Just simply has to.

Earlier this morning, using the Mystic Dreamer deck (Barbara Moore/Heidi Darris), this is the card I pulled:

 all right then ... be back soon xxxooo

Clean Slate

The first time since July 29th to feel tarot cards in my hands. Wasn't easy not playing with them and it wasn't easy to play again.  It is time.  Using The Mystic Dreamer tarot deck by Heidi Darras/Barbara Moore and the spread (in order of cards) 2.what I have; 1.me; 3.what I need ... this is what I got:

These cards scream "clean slate" to me.   August was spent facing my painful truths, external and internal and emotionally releasing them.  I purposely did this knowing the consequences, good or bad.

August also saw many things resolved by my own initiative.  It also saw me doing new things by my own initiative.  Perhaps at times a few steps back but always finding the strength to move forward again.  Like the Ace of Swords, sparks of my truth were so very clear, other perspectives listened to and digested.  Quite amazing really.

Going forward, there is no doubt I am not who I used to be and there is still some doubt about who I am now, what path to follow; however, the foundation I built over these years is still there. I need to remain in control all the while being open to what shows itself to me.  

and I am ...

Hiatus

Shutting down until September, no blogging, no Facebook, Twitter for family only, twice a week email check. Yep.

I am grateful for the opportunity to learn so much from my fellow bloggers and Facebook friends.  It has been beyond amazing and means a lot to me.  I will be back. I miss you already.

However, for now, it is time for me to revert back to a simpler time with less distractions in order to reinvent myself moving forward.  To discover newly who I am now, what I am, my capabilities, my limitations, my hopes and dreams.  Sincerely look at what I have versus what I want and how it all fits together.  Look at what really matters and take things back into my own hands.  So much has changed over the last two years.  What brought me joy and comfort has changed.  I want it back but of course that is not to be.  Life is ever changing. Moving forward is the only option.  

Card of the day, drawn from Universal Waite (U.S. Games Systems Inc.):

Quite appropriate considering.  The "9" - bringing to mind self-examination, self-study, paying attention to the inner self.  I will also be looking for the way "guidance" comes to me, in whatever form.

to be continued in the future ....

Power

Although still hot, a wonderful, less humid day today.  One can move about with a bit more ease and without breaking into a sweat.  What a week to have off work.  The hottest so far this summer.  It was impossible to go for any walks or even go outside for any length of time. My original plans are on hold until my next week off.

Over this last week, working with the heat and having no energy, I accomplished quite a bit. Made some discoveries, had some meaningful discussions, issues got resolved and am grateful for all of that.  With Mercury going direct, perhaps one last issue will work itself out.

Today, I dug out the Robin Wood Tarot by Robin Wood.  I don't use it very often mainly because the cards are slippery and I always end up losing control of them.  With my little hands, when shuffling, they tend to fly all over the place.  Not sure that is fixable but I do like them.

Draw for today:

Two eights.  My first thought was progress.  And then power.

The 8 of Cups makes me realize I don't have to put my "plans" in place right at this moment.  Perhaps I do need to further clarify the destination and allow for the ability to be flexible with the outcome.  More reflection is needed. There is work to do on my self-worth, self-confidence, knowing my power and knowing it all comes from within.  I am grateful for everything I have, materially and spiritually, but yes, there is more to do, more to work on.  I must go further into the unknown areas.  Work with my fears, don't let them work me.

Strength to me is all about knowing myself, having patience and remaining calm.

Most of my life, people have always commented on what strength and determination I have. How was I able to handle all the moves as a child.  How was I able to raise two children on my own (with no help from their father) and hold a full time job.  Of course, I did these things.  Outwardly. I had no choice and am grateful for the strength to get through them. Inside ... well that is a different story and an on-going project.

I am grateful for my two feline friends who love me unconditionally, as I do them.  Here is my big girl, China, enjoying the less humid air today.

Reinforcement

Another hot humid day in southwestern Ontario.  Woke up early so decided to go do all my errands before breakfast.   I was smiling ear to ear when I found a basket of local baby cucumbers.  I wait all year for them.  Bought two.  Might need more :)  There is nothing better than fresh local produce.  How I miss having a garden.  Maybe someday again.

Not letting the heat stop me, I exercised, did a meditation, and sat down to play with the tarot.  Feeling very light today (if that is possible with this humidity lol), I decided to pull a card, again using the Spiral Tarot by Kay Steventon, with nothing particularly specific in mind.  Just a random card to talk about and learn from.

But ... this card is absolutely not random.  It carries on from yesterday.  The 6 to me is balance and choices.  The scale in this pictures is balanced.  It does seem they are coming together in a marriage or commitment and he appears, since wearing a crown, to be better off than she is.  However, for me this is about giving and receiving both materially and spiritually.  Giving without the thought of anything in return.  Being able to receive without giving back.  Being able to ask for a helping hand when needed.  Being able to give the helping hand when asked.  

The Pentacles again today especially with the 6 involved, seem to me to be very specific leading me to feel all I have done towards my security and that of my loved ones is on track. It will be okay.  However it all turns out.  It appears I am not alone and I must not forget that.

I am grateful for all the generous gifts given me in my life and for those I have been able to give.  It truly does all work out in the end.

I am grateful for the continued opportunity to create a meaningful life with all the ups and downs and choices ... the never ending cycle of growth.

:)))

Hot Summer Daze

What a few weeks. Vacation week, back to work for a week and now vacation week again.  This time the heat is here and me without a/c in my apartment relying on my two fans at times is a challenge.  Mentally and physically mostly.  The heat is really draining.  I do, of course, have the option of finding a cool place to go.  Might do that tomorrow.

Since Mercury went retro, or maybe even a little before that, my life has revolved around finances.  Mine and others; past, present and future monies; some coming and some going; a surprise raise at work :))  

It has all be rather up and down emotionally.  Hope, hopelessness, delays, resolutions.  On going.  Much to my delight, it seems to be taking a turn for the better and issues are being resolved, plans set in motion allowing me to move forward in better spirits.  

Decided to pull some cards with the above in mind and using the Spiral Tarot by Kay Steventon here are my cards:

Whoa, had to take a second look.  Talk about money cards.  Don't think I've ever pulled three court cards together, let alone all the same suit.  What are the odds.

The King seems to be reassuring me all will be fine.  I am strong and know what I am doing. The Knight (me) has put in the work and is ready, willing and able to do the work necessary to maintain the security the King so enjoys (or in my case will enjoy).
The Queen is also very aware of being financially secure but seems to be telling me be sure everything is in order but balance it out with something joyful.  Relax.  Have a glass of wine.  Sit in the garden.

I could be wrong but I am seeing these cards in a positive light.  Thoughts anyone?

I am grateful, perhaps to Mercury retro, for getting these issues out in the open so resolutions could begin. 

... off to think about something other than money :)

Out of the Depths

A much welcomed better day today.  Still no sunshine to be found but that encourages me to complete some inside projects.

The card of the day from The Tarot of the Crone by Ellen Lorenzi-Prince:

What, another cup, this time a 6.  Surprise! A time for me to re-establish myself.  A reinvention based on the lessons and challenges I have lived through.  This is personal.  This is rooted in the past.  But can't stay in the past.

The card reminds me of a mirror.  A reflection of myself is being put out there and I must be aware.  Like the saying "as above, so below" which I used and heard a lot while studying astrology.  It can mean various things and for me it fits here.  Another saying "I am in the Universe, the Universe is in my body, the Universe and I combine together" is saying the same thing.  I say this to myself all the time. 

The Six of Cups in the traditional RWS deck tells me to lighten up, to share my gifts and learn from others.

A phone call from my son late last evening, although very emotional, ended with a viable solution to a problem causing me a great deal of stress.  I wasn't able to digest it last night but woke up ready to.

As well, a message from my daughter mid-afternoon today with totally exciting news concerning her career had me smiling from ear to ear. (I had been very concerned for her)

YES, some smiles.  Cups can be happy too ... :)))))

I am grateful to be able to smile today ....

Into the depths

What can I say except I fell into a hole today and wasn't quite sure how to get out.  Or even if I wanted to.  Well that isn't quite true as I always want to.  Just gets harder to want to.  It happened in a split second before I had a chance to stop it.  So I went with it for awhile, let myself experience it.  Let myself get lost in it.

Eventually I found myself doing some yoga but not being able to concentrate so sat down to meditate.  Realized the trigger, worked with it and once finished, got up, without thought found the Tarot of the Crone by Ellen Lorenzi-Prince.  Played with the cards for quite some time and then did her Cronebody Spread as outlined in the companion book.  Amazing and exactly what I needed.  It isn't easy for me yet to read her cards, however, the spread spoke to me easily.  I then drew another card just to finish off the session.

Could not help but smile and feel better:

From the companion book about the Sun:

"The Sun is a woman in a red robe with flowing white hair and a youthful joyful face.  She glows with inner and outer lights, as does the halo around her head.  With open hands, she showers the ground with coin-like drops of molten gold.

The Crone Sun is your bright shadow.  In the quest that is your life, you have left behind some capacity for happiness, some simple wholeness that you can call back to you now.  After all the good that you have been told you can't have and you can't be, it's time to say you can.  After all the suffering in the world, it's time not to add to it one ounce.  When the Sun comes out, it's okay to be happy.  More than that - it's a good thing.  When the Sun shines, everyone benefits.

Seek now for what brings you joy.  Act now as if that's all that matters.  Joy is the radiance that comes from expressing yourself, from singing your soul, from living with true passion.  Give to it with both hands."

How did she know!!!!!  I am grateful this deck found its way to me today ....

More Cups

Happy Canada Day holiday weekend!!  Lucky me, I've been off work since last Thursday and will be all of next week.  Some much needed time off.  Thursday and Friday were dull, dreary, rainy days perfect for inside chores.  Today the Sun is trying to shine but the clouds are putting up a good fight.  At least it is a tiny bit cooler.

Have a list of priorities for this time off.  Top of the list is to get myself organized here in my little office space.  Who knew this would be such a big job.  Not me.   I have a day outing planned for mid week and hopefully the weather cooperates since it involves walking and walking and more walking.

I love not waking up to an alarm, not rushing to get myself ready for "work".  How nice having my own agenda, doing what I enjoy but rarely have time for.  Did I say I love not going to work.  Oh yeah, I did.  There is time for exercise, for planning meals, playing with my cards and whatever I feel like.  Went over to the library and got myself four books to read.  Excited about that since it has been forever since I actually sat down and read a book for fun.  (aside from a tarot or astrology book).

Cards pulled a bit earlier from The Nigel Jackson Tarot:

These cups are really trying to tell me something.  The last draw with the Page of Cups and the Ace of Cups gave me the impression I needed to deal with my inner self.  And also I wondered if I was to pursue the getting to know a certain someone I'd met on-line.  I did receive another "message" from this person.  However, I haven't written back ... yet. Should I or shouldn't I?  That is the question.  Why or why not is another. 

So now here is the King of Cups and the Ten of Cups.  Okay ... the King is grounded to be sure, however, he isn't looking at me and I get the feeling he doesn't want to be in the reading.  Or perhaps he just isn't concerned about anything and is quite content.  Interestingly, at eye level here at my desk, there is a picture of a happy me with the words under it "happy, healthy and content".  Always in the present when said.  I say them often and always before a meditation and before shuffling my cards.   The Ten, especially to me, is saying to be in the moment.  Feel the moment.  Don't get overwhelmed with everything.

So then I thought I'd draw another card for clarification:

Hmm ...  Life is what it is ... up and downs.  It is all about how we deal with the ups and downs.  Outwardly, strength is what others see, inwardly not so much these days.  Bit of a struggle.

All these cups.  The Universe wants me to deal with my emotional stuff.  Lately, forcing me too. In my astrology natal chart the only water I have is my Scorpio Ascendant and it is definitely challenged.  

Thoughts anyone????

Happy Sunday

A very productive Sunday, however, I am running out of time as the day is coming to a close.  It is very hot and humid and I have no air-conditioning in my apartment.  My two fans help but barely.  This is the type of weather when thunderstorms roll in sometimes in the early evening.  Some can be pretty scary.  But usually only last for a short time.  Last night it didn't clear up in time to see the moon rise.  Hopefully tonight it will.  Quite a sight to see.

Began the day having breakfast with my daughter and then helping her finish getting the last odds and ends out of her old apartment.  She gives the keys back this coming Friday and finally can leave this part of her life behind her.  Yay for that.  Once I got home I found myself cleaning my own apartment, exercised ... sat down to meditate and the phone rang.  Darn.  Wasn't going to answer it but it was my son and we haven't talked for a week or so.  Ended up being a 2 hour talk ... guess we had lots to catch up on.  So much for a meditation session.  

I did draw two cards from The Nigel Jackson Tarot with nothing specific in mind.  Maybe something I need to know or think about.

A flood of inner me?  This Page of Cups looks to be kind and gentle.  Could he be telling me to be emotional but find more of a balance with my intellect/knowledge.   Okay, so, these cards might be trying to tell me something about a certain someone I just met.  Well haven't met in person yet but talked to two or three times by way of email. We have important things (to me) in common, however, I need to know more.  Is the Ace of Cups telling me to be open to whatever this might be?   The Page often brings a message.  Well yeah there was a message from this certain someone sent yesterday but I did not see until today.  Do I pursue it further.  What are my reasons for doing so, or not doing so.  What are my emotions about the whole thing ... fear, taking a risk, adventures. Perhaps that is another draw. Hmmmm ....

My thoughts are with all those living in Alberta affected by the flooding rivers.  

Planning

Can't have wishes come true without some planning and some work.  They just don't happen by themselves.  Today is planning day.  Well, planning evening.  My days are busy with the work that pays the bills.  I am excited about it.  It might take me a few evenings to sort it all out. It will be beneficial to my growth to have some sort of schedule to use as a guideline.  Time is not on my side meaning I don't have a lot free.  Some real thought has to go into this.

Pulled out The Nigel Jackson Tarot.  I have never used it, always meant to.  Will use it for awhile and see how it feels.

Today's card:

I've never really used a deck with Wands as Air and Swords (Staves as in this deck) as Fire.  But I will go with the flow.  Looking at the card I feel like the storm I've been in will soon be behind me.  I am off for new adventures, new opportunities.  There is reward for effort.  I will reach those smooth waters.

Good fortune is what happens when opportunity meets with planning - Thomas Alva Edison

Father's Day

It is Father's Day here in Canada/US.  Am thinking of my father and what a source of strength he was for me.  It was also very interesting, when talking with one of my brothers, at my son's wedding a few weeks ago, how very different he sees our dad.  I did not know this before and although I totally understand we all have different perspectives, it sort of came as a surprise as it differs quite a bit from my perspective.  I am also six years older so that makes a big difference as well.  My dad loved to sing, his brother played guitar and together they made magic.  Luckily they had the foresight to tape some evenings of songs and one of my brothers put it all on CD.  Listened to that today and could feel my heart fill.  I can't be with him physically anymore but he is with me forever.

My dad's grandfather came here from Denmark.  Looking for a tarot deck to use this week, my eyes stopped on The Viking Cards by Gudrun G Bergmann.  The book uses Iceland as the root source but I consider my Denmark roots as being Viking.  Have never used these cards as it has always been my intention to read through the book and gain a better understanding of the cards.  Haven't done that yet.  It seems appropriate to use today in memory of my dad, his dad and his dad and so on.

I have been making some progress working with my "list" of things I would enjoy and incorporate back into my everyday life.  I did sew this week, well, if mending counts.  It was to help out two people and I happily did so.  I exercised three days out of the seven which is better than none and hopefully will improve.  

Work turned out to be unexpectedly busy and my car gave me some unexpected problems.  I handled both with grace.  The car things maybe not so much at first since it turned out to be costly lol but I tried.

So it was an up and down week with progress made.

Cards drawn today with the thought in mind of the progress made and progress still to come:

The Helmet  - Victory - Vikings always wore helmets to protect themselves in battle.  The book says "defeat is almost certain if you aren't prepared.  You need to use strategy and make plans".  Indeed.  I do much better in life if I have a plan and some sort of structure.  This I know about myself.  I fall off the path otherwise.

WEST - The Bull - Abundance - Seeing this card, I immediately thought of myself as a sun Taurus.  Card 14 in tarot is Temperance which is my teacher card.  It breaks down to 5 which is my soul and personality card.  It is also May, my birth month.  Anyway, the book says "appreciate what I have i.e. home, family, friends, job".  Don't lock myself away in a world of lack by saying "I need" instead of saying "I have".  Exactly.

These cards reinforce to me I am on the right path.  To continue on doing the best I can.

I am extremely grateful for all I do have and it is important to remember.  Easy to forget sometimes and get caught up in the "I need".  Thank you Universe for the reminder, the reassurance and guidance.

At first today it was raining, gloomy ... the type of day to pull the sheets over your head and hide.  But I got myself up and proceeded to get busy.  As I look out, the sun is shinning, the birds are singing and its a perfect time to sit outside for a bit to soak in some nature.

On this fine day, here I am au naturale, lines and all ...

Been a good day so far.  Woke up to a blue sky and some warmth.  The birds are singing, the cats watching.  I exercised earlier (something from my "list").  Oh my gosh, it felt great and instantly knew I'd missed it. Now to repeat tomorrow.

Time for a new deck to play with for a few days so went looking.  Truth is I haven't bought a new deck or book for what seems like an eternity. Not for lack of desire!  However, I do have at least 40, many I've never used, some I never will.  Bought them for a reason even if once home and in my hands didn't seem like a good fit.  Going to go digging for something, see what speaks out to me.

After meditating (yes, another thing from my "list") and with the intention to find the above mentioned deck, my eyes stopped on Nature Spirits Oracle Cards by Elizabeth J. Foley.  So will use for today.

Drew three cards:

Hmm ... interesting.  These cards are on the small size which is great for me while shuffling.  Seeing all the detail is a different matter.  Had to get out my magnifying glass to have a really good look.  Quite like them.

The Moonbeam Energy card speaks to me about my mediation session plus there was just a new moon (conjunct my 8th house) sending me tons of energy which by the way I felt in the meditation.  While mediating I concentrated on working on my issues and here we have Fear/Anxieties/Doubts with the intention of regaining my personal power ... and here we have Personal Power card.  I am speechless.

Sunshine ... Yay!!  Exercised ... Yay!!  Meditated ... Yay!! Played with my cards ... Yay!!

Gotta love the Universe ....

After days of clouds, rain and dreary weather, I look up to see patches of blue.  Now that brings a smile to my face.  Undoubtedly, it will be short-lived per the forecast so I will spend a few minutes gazing.

The "list" never got made.  Instead it has turned into a list of "things" I truly enjoy but not currently doing to help put a smile on my face and find my joy. Oh yeah, little or no dollars can be involved.  I sat down with a piece of paper and pencil and without any thought started writing.  Here it is:

sew/crochet/knit (tarot bags especially) I have a box full of material.
read (I live 5 minutes from the library)
yoga/pilates
make an exercise plan and stick to it (I actually already have one, just need to do it)
play with my cards more
organize my astrology stuff so I can be current
explore used (book) stores this summer
ride my bike to work at least twice a week, weather permitting
meditate daily
food (incorporating more gluten free and vegan recipes into my diet)

Pencil down, read over and yeah, they all seem doable.  Have to ask myself why things get set aside just because I am extremely busy at work between Jan and end of May. For sure at the end of the work day, I am tired.  No excuses.  Have to be consistent.  And determined. And if on those brutal work days in the winter once home all I have to give is half and hour, then that is better than nothing.  It will feed me.

Found a simple spread to do:

1. The situation now
2. How the situation evolves
3. Someone, something that effects the situation
4. The outcome.

Cards using sun and moon tarot by vanessa decort (sorry they are hard to see):

I jotted down my first thoughts:

1. The Devil - I am caught in the web, or at least I think I am.  I am in a hole with no way out.  This card is telling me I must confront myself and whatever I think is going on and it shall set me free ... well, at least begin to.

2. 9 of Wands -  Putting my joy back out there.  Letting my oh so positive Sag Moon reign once more.  It it what gets me through my challenges.  My Taurus gives me the strength but my Sag keeps me seeing the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel.  Lately, I let it slide away.  

3. 5 Pents - I affect it all.  Only me.  Feeling sorry for myself, being fearful, being anxious, letting how others are feeling affect me, and on and on.  Seeing the negative instead of the positive.  It is up to me to bring myself back.  Important to stop worrying about the future as there really is only now.  Be present now.  Enjoy now.  Reach out if need be, help is there.

4. Prince of Wands - Yeah, for sure I can do it.  Regain my focus and inspire my creativity.  Renewed growth.  That is what it is all about.  The never ending journey of growth.  This is what I love more than anything.

Very interesting cards.  They speak to me quite loudly.  

I shuffled the deck again and asked for some clarification on the outcome.

Now, that absolutely brought a smile to my face.  Nothing else need be said.  haha

to smiles and joy and blue skies ....

The List

Work is still very busy for me taking most of my energy.  I had such a good day yesterday and hoped to carry it forward to today and beyond.  In a way I did and had a good day at work, however, the list, while two, maybe three things are in my head, they did not get written down.  There was no time to meditate or exercise.  Only a few more days, only a few more days.

As the sun sets and I begin to unwind from the day, I sit looking out at the sky shuffling the cards.  Feels good.  A welcome friend.

A moment ago drew, again from the sun and moon tarot by vanessa decort:

Hmm ... quite appropriately really.  The LWB says this is Saturn in Taurus.  Indeed.  I am determined and patient but things don't always turn out quite the way you plan.  It might start one way and end up something totally different.  I have to be okay with that.

"failure" at the top brings to mind my own fear of failure and perhaps the limiting of myself.  Do I do that?  This card is telling me perhaps some evaluation is in order to begin the process of my list.  Take a step back, look at the bigger picture and don't get too caught up in the little things.  It might be time to not be so determined.  Round and round and round.

Tomorrow will be a good day ....