Tuesday, July 10, 2012

So, I've been (emotionally) disturbed of late not really knowing how to get rid of it.  It is somewhat of an on-going issue, however, it has reared its ugly head big time in the last two months but came to a head this past week.  Without revealing personal details, it involves a close friend of over 40 years. This friendship has now deteriorated to the point of no return.  Very very sad indeed.  She did something at the beginning of May that totally devastated me.  I mean down on the floor weeping and staying there for days.  Well I'm exaggerating as I didn't stay on the floor, however, I did shed many tears and two days later my back started to hurt.  Not to mention work was extremely busy at this time so I had no time to work my feelings through.  I had to continue on.  Oh ... worst part is this person works where I do (I got her the job) so I have to see her everyday.  Last week we had our yearly evaluations and something negative was said to her during hers and she is blaming me.  What was said is true.  However what was said did not come from me.  She is assuming.  Anytime she walks near me, the aura she gives off towards me is hate.  I doubt she is aware of it but I feel it.  It hurts so deep.

Anyway with all this said, today I decided as soon as I got home from work, I would spend a meditation session working with my guide on ways to work this out for myself.  This is going to take time but it was a good session and I already have some insight.  At one point and I think this is probably a natural reaction, I wanted to defend myself and strike back.  I didn't and am so glad I didn't.  Today's session showed me that.  Despite everything, I always smile, say hello when/if I see her at work.  However, I do not (anymore) go out of my way to chat with her.  I have stayed out of her way.   I don't believe I want to salvage the friendship.  However, my main goal is to be able to feel good again. 

When I got home I did my weight workout plus the extra exercises for my back.  Gold star for Carol.  I sat down to meditate (put some earplugs in so I would not be disturbed) and 20 minutes later opened my eyes.  Wow.  Then I wrote in my tarot/mediation journal so I would not forget what was talked about and felt "down" there.

Got out my DruidCraft deck and pulled a card.  Did not look at it until I finished writing.

3 of Wands

What a perfect card for all that went on in my session and what I want to do.  I love it.  I love the strength it gives off.  And the hope for the future.  The man in the card is so strong and that is exactly what I need to be.  It is what I am.  I forgot that sometimes.
Keep focusing on what brings me joy ... the tarot, astrology, reading good books, my kitties, my children, my friends  .....

to be continued ....


  1. Broken friendships are so hard because the line between hate and love is so very fine. I'm sorry for your loss, and her the loss of you. I wish we were close enough to be 'real' friends

  2. Thank you Sharyn. Your "I wish we were close enough to be "real" friends" is so sweet and brought tears to my eyes. Yes, it is a loss for both of us. My circle of friends isn't all that big since I am such a loner and am happy with two, maybe three, close friends. Losing one leaves a big gap. But life moves forward. It is a beautiful evening. Certainly something to smile about :)))