Happy Halloween.  Wishing I had the Halloween Tarot deck.  It has been on my list to buy but never got around to it.  Think about it at this time of the year and then forget ... until Halloween rolls around again.  

Been a crazy few weather days.  My thoughts go out to all those in the path of Sandy.  We got off pretty easy where I live experiencing very high winds but not much rain.  Although saying that it seems like it has been lightly raining for over a week with more days to come.  Where is the sun anyway.

Yesterday morning I took some time before going to work to pull a card from The Medicine Woman deck (Carol Bridget) and got the Six of Bowls.  When I got home last night, I was very tired and ended up talking on the phone with my son for 45 minutes which made me late eating ... and I never did sit down to write my thoughts down.

When I got home today I decided to put the Six of Bowls back in the deck and just start over.  It was my intention to meditate first then draw a card.  However, I've had a migraine all day and was extremely busy at work and the meditation didn't go as planned.  Just wasn't able to get anywhere.  I thought it might help my head but that didn't work.  Oh well.  So I picked up the deck, shuffled and out came the Six of Bowls.  

It seems to me he is very deep in thought, emotional thought.  Sorting through these thoughts.  Probably a relationship or more than one.

A quote from the guidebook "A kindly goodbye to once was cleanses the cup to be filled once again."  My theme of late has been learning to let go and particularly of a long term friendship.  A deep loss and one I've had difficulty coming to terms with or even understanding.  I've made great strides and pulling this card and reading the words from the book really helped me realize I have been going about it the right way.

It is true nothing is truly lost.  It all remains in our memories and hearts and the lessons learned live on.  It is important as well to remember the moments, the joys as well as the sadness and honor them.  I agree.

"Sow good services, sweet remembrances will grow from them" - Madam de Stael

Several days off for a mini-recharge.  Well not off from work as that pays the bills but time off from study, meditation, exercise.  Took the time to sit and read a book, catch up with a few movies and think about not much of anything.  

Am back now.  Got out The Medicine Woman Tarot deck (Carol Bridges) and guidebook earlier this afternoon.  I have used this one before but not for many years.  It was way at the back of a drawer full of decks.  Started reading the guidebook and Carol's words spoke quite loudly to me.  Planning to take some time and go through the book.  As well, use it for a daily draw for awhile.

Today's card:

My first thought was how grateful I am for all I have and for those who came before me having a part in all I have and am.   I am seeing things with fresh eyes and trying to handle things differently than I normally do.  I am not alone (even if I think I am at times) and I don't need to let go of what is good.  The rest will fall away on it's own and in fact it has.  Because I let go.

Life moves forward.  I have been looking back lately and perhaps got a little too caught up in the past.  I realize the purpose for me doing this, however, I need more of a balance so I don't miss out being here now.

I end today with a video a local singer/songwriter, Danny Michel, posted today.  He did this while on tour in Europe, the video shot in Berlin.  I can't help but smile.  He loves music.  His words have meaning.  He is genuine.  Can't wait to see him when he makes it to town end of November.

dancing my way to the kitchen ....

I actually drew these cards (Tarot of a Moon Garden deck) at separate times.  This morning before I left for work, I sat down to pull a card for the upcoming work day.  XI Justice.  

As the day progressed I felt off kilter, off balance for some reason.  Nothing work related although it was an extremely busy day.  That physically wore me out but there was just something inside that wasn't right.  Too much thinking, too much trying to make decisions, too much everything.  I am thinking the XI = 2 = High Priestess = listening to my inner voice.

I drew another card once I was home and settled down a bit.  I had to laugh when I saw the Four of Swords.  Immediately it brought to mind how desperately I need some relief from my mind.  From the non-stop thoughts.  Work absolutely has been physically draining me but I only have myself to blame for the mental draining.  

So yeah, it is time to take a little break from any problem solving, study .. it is time for an escape.  Perhaps it is time to read a book, listen to some music or watch a fun movie.  For a few days ... recharge the old brain and body.  Have some fun and laugh.  

With that said ... am off for a bubble bath and then ... hmmmm  

Had a migraine yesterday and unfortunately was unable to do anything when I got home from work.  Nothing works except going to bed so I did that.

Hmm ... The Star.  A very pretty card. Gorgeous butterfly pops right out, as does the eight pointed star.  Pulling this card tonight gives me hope and strength.  Some good news was confirmed this morning as soon as I got to work.  A new person has been hired and will begin working on Nov 5th.  And so the training period begins and although this will take up much of my time and still keep me a little too busy, there is an end in sight.  Hope.  This person is young and eager.  

I also found out my son and his girlfriend got the townhouse they want to rent.  It took 12 anxiety ridden days for this answer due to some complications totally unrelated to them.  However, they could have been informed.  Anyway, in the end it all worked out and it is wonderful news for them.  Now the fun begins.  I offered my help in any way they need it during the moving process.  I might live to regret that LOL.

Despite the challenges still surrounding me and there are always challenges ... much has been accomplished.  Decisions made, new ideas explored, hope renewed.  I do feel the strength.

As I look out my window typing this, the wind is picking up, it is still raining and most of the leaves are off the trees.  A few more good winds and they will be gone.  

My view changes ... inside and out.

to be continued ....

It was an away from the computer sort of weekend.  Well until about an hour ago.  Yesterday, I spent all day purging and sorting through my desk area catching up with paperwork, finances, and on and on.  A productive day and it felt good.

Today as part of my "moving forward" I had to make a decision about something.  To continue or leave it behind.  I did a yes/no spread and got a NO and then did another, just to be sure.  Got a NO again.  Meaning leave it behind.

Then I did a meditation although not with the intention to think anymore about the decision. I spent some time with "Mercury" which surprised me.  However, it was quite enlightening and I got the message.  :))

After the meditation, it was time to pull a card for the day still using Tarot of a Moon Garden deck:

Two's being about balance and decisions, she is certainly me today.  The swords coming out of her back with dragonflies at the end I see as change, hope and some self-realization.  It is night and she is blindfolded.  This all helps her block everything else out as she weighs her options and makes a decision.  She does look relaxed although her hands are not.  A little bit of indecision perhaps as the emotions get stirred up (the big waves behind her).  But still, she is open to what comes.

I am happy with the decision I came to today.  I will find another plan to replace the one I am leaving behind.  I am still on the path just making a little detour along the way.  I had to give it a try, wasn't what I thought it would be, isn't the direction I want to go in as it veers too far off my path ... so yeah, right decision.

A good weekend and am sorry to see it end so quickly.  Must get myself prepared for another week of work.

off to prepare ....

Phew ... Friday I have such a heavy workload at work.  It is my busiest day and as well it is the other job I am doing busiest day.  How does that work? How does one find the time?

Before I ran out of the house this morning, I quickly drew a card from the Tarot of a Moon Garden deck by Karen Marie Sweikhardt. 

Doesn't really look like the traditional 10 of Wands card in any of my RWS decks.  I absolutely relate to the RWS version.  Definitely a bit overworked today.  Despite the burden, I completed the tasks.  

Looking at the Ten of Staffs, it reminds me of yesterday's card only today I am able to visualize the journey's end or at least allow myself to get out from behind the trees.  Interesting there is a home visible between the trees.  Moving has been on my mind and I've actively been searching.  Made a few calls but am not having much luck, so far, with calls being returned.  It may not even be something I should do but decided to check out my options.  The place I had in mind is within walking distance to work, however, there are no grocery stores or any type of stores nearby.  The walking draws me in and perhaps the other part can be worked out.   I love the butterfly in the card ... encourages me.

Just before I left work for home my co-worker left a little gift on my desk.  I smiled so much my face hurt.  She totally made my day.  Isn't it amazing what a simple gesture of kindness can do.  

My co-worker knows I have a bigger version and not long ago I saw these available at the bank and mentioned to her I wanted to get one.  Haven't named her yet, or maybe him.  My Lexie was a little curious and I thought the picture was so cute.

moving forward for some food and some relaxation ....

Feel good today.  Yeah.  Work was good. We had our monthly team meeting and found out there are two prospects to be interviewed for the vacant job. This is good news for me as the sooner the better.  It honestly is a bit much trying to keep up with two jobs.  

It was raining and dark when I left for work this morning, however, by mid-morning the sun was shining and it was very warm.  Now that makes me smile.  

I had an appointment today (had to leave work for an hour) ... on my list of things I need to do in order to move forward.  Afterwards I felt so great because 1.  I did it, and 2. it worked out better than anticipated.  A problem solved.  And oh yeah, it would have stayed unsolved had I not pushed myself.  A pat on the back for Carol today.  Cross one off the list.  And even better, it will have a long term affect on my life.

On to a new tarot deck today.  Again, one never used.  Tarot of a Moon Garden by Karen Marie Sweikhardt.  I've had it for years and honestly don't remember why I bought it.  Looking at it earlier, I find it very detailed and those details a little small for my old eyes.  Will give it a go.

For today, I drew:

Makes sense.  Nines can deal with problems and compromises ... and I did deal with a problem today.  That could be me peaking out from the tree branches.  A little insecure.  Hurts and losses in the past and not quite sure how to let go and move forward from certain issues.  Want to but ...  I am waking up and beginning to see things.  I am coming out from behind that tree little by little.

I am grateful to have enjoyed a lovely lunch with my daughter today.  I am grateful my son phoned me for a chat not long after I got home from work.  Two special joys in my life I cherish.

on to tomorrow ...

Seems like Blogger was having some troubles last night around the time I posted yesterday's blog and now I have ended up with three copies of my draw.  I can't seem to get rid of two of them.  So oh well, they will stay there!!

A crazy busy day at work but the day went well and fast.  Yesterday, while doing some housework here at home, a piece fell off the very top part of the drain on my bathroom sink and if I ran the water, it simply poured right out all over the place.  So out came the bucket.  Then I discovered I couldn't get the tap itself to stop dripping.  So I put the bucket right underneath the tap.  I was amazed at the amount of water that accumulated overnight.  Wow.  This morning on my way to work I dropped off a written service request.  They called me at work to confirm it was okay to enter my apartment and it was replaced by noon.  Now that is good service.  I now have a brand new sink.  They did leave somewhat of a mess that took me awhile to clean up.  I just sat down here at my desk when Lexie, my kitty, decided to throw up her supper.  On the carpet.  Got that nicely cleaned up and finally sat down here again and tried to draw a card from The Witches Tarot (Ellen Cannon Reed) but the cards just did not want to be shuffled.  I give up for today and put them away.

Instead here is a picture I took this afternoon of a lovely tree outside of my office at work.  It made me smile.  It was a dull, dreary, off and on rainy day, but looking at this tree made my day.  The joys of nature.

to be continued ...

Just not myself lately and haven't been able to write or play with my cards.  Sometimes I wonder who I am.  Earlier in the year, I was writing my "memoirs" as requested by my son and certainly came upon some unexpected emotion.  Discovered things I had hidden deep within.  I am far behind in this project as I had to set it aside before beginning again.  Work through what came up first. 

Working two jobs for the price of one has taken a toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally.  I get through the work day just fine and am able to handle all the extra work but once home, there is no energy left.  There is no motivation left.  My boss finally got a job description written up and before sending it out to an agency, will distribute it to all our office staff.  Someone may know someone who knows someone.  Hopefully it won't be long before there is someone for me to train.  Get some normalcy back in my working life.

I tried to meditate today with not much luck.  The lady next door had her tv on so loud, that is all I could hear. Even with earplugs in and the window closed.   It is quite a warm day so her windows are open.  I had to laugh.  Nothing can be easy.

For the next little while I am going to use The Witches Tarot by Ellen Cannon Reed.  My note in the book says I bought it Aug 2006.  The deck was still in order, never used.  Honestly, the book scares me as I don't really understand it and haven't taken the time to try.  I am not sure I like the cards but will give them a try for a few days.

Today's draw:

Drew the Two of Wands first.  Seeing all the yellow, my first thought was the sun, life. He looks to me to be very strong mentally and perhaps is controlling those leaves.  It seems wands are air (I think of them as fire).  Per the book, it says something about making plans.  This is true.  I have a list of them.  For more clarification, I shuffled again and drew the Three of Wands.  A little different from what I usually see for this card.  My first thought was this is me ... the younger version, the current one and the older one.  Also filled with yellow and they are so intense.  Their wands form a triangle which looks like a star to me.  A star is hope.  I should continue working on my plans.  Exactly what I am doing.  When I can.

As always a work in progress ...

PS ... things don't look very good for my cousin's husband who is fighting an aggressive form of cancer.  Not good at all.  He can use all the positive energy and thoughts available.

It was the Canadian Thanksgiving yesterday so an extra day off.  Always nice.  My son hosted dinner.  He did all the cooking because, well, he is amazing.  Going to school to be a computer programmer, his job to help put him through school, is as a cook in a prestigious conference center/cafe/hotel/weddings etc etc that is a part of the university and sits high up on the most beautiful land.  He really could be a chef if he so chooses and perhaps he just might.  Who knows.  For now, I prefer he finish college, get the programmer degree.  Anyway, off topic.  

It was wonderful to have a family gathering with good food, lots of laughs. Exactly what I needed.  And exactly what my daughter and her boyfriend needed after they spent Friday evening and all day Saturday at the funeral activities for his best friend who was killed.  All the more reason to be grateful and thankful to be together.

This morning just before heading out the door for work, I sat down to pull a card. (still going to use Tarot of the Old Path for a few more days).  Something different.  I quickly had a look so I could keep it in my mind as I went about my day.

Again with the red.  He has a serious look on his face and he is obviously carrying something important.  I do think it is for me!!  There has been some uncertainty within me about a certain project and whether or not to continue.  Lately, I feel I have come through a crisis, ready to let go and leave it behind.  This Page is telling me indeed there is a new beginning/a new phase.  Listen to the messages I am receiving. 

My decision before I sat down to really have a look at the card was to continue with the project.  I believe this is the correct way to proceed.

Off I go to enjoy some left-over butternut squash soup made by Chef Jordan sent home with me last evening to enjoy today.  Steamed up a few veggies to go with it.  Yummy.

starving ....

A glorious hot mostly sunny day today, however, it is likely to be the last for awhile.  Very windy right now.  No doubt blowing in some cooler air.

I had a bit of a setback today after I got home from work when a certain email appeared.  Funny how quickly I went right back into a horrible place.  However, I am proud to say, I rebounded within 15 minutes.  Deleted the email.  Talked to myself.

Got out the cards and what card fell out but:

Had this card the other day. I tried to continue shuffling for more clarification but the cards would not let me.  They kept falling all over the place and made it obvious this was the card for today.  Very appropriate really considering where I went for 15 minutes.  Seeing the lady in red looking intently and happily (she does have a tiny smile on her face) towards her future wherever that may take her made me smile with joy.  And I was back.

moving forward ....

The card for today (from Tarot of the Old Path by Howard Rodway)

Looking at this card, I find I feel peaceful.  I like how the sun seems to be the source of the water as it trickles down to the stream.  Seems to me there is a lot of protection in this card.  There is quite a bit of detail that doesn't show up in the picture.  The sign of Taurus at the top of the border.  My sun is in Taurus.

I have the words "balance and harmony" written on a piece of paper taped at eye level here at my desk for the purpose of visualization.  Originally there to help me with a certain situation which is now resolved, however, it is a permanent goal.  This card makes me think of this.

So, today would have been my grandmother's 112 birthday.  Since she lived with my mom and dad after the passing of my grandfather in 1972 until mom's passing in 1990, I knew her well.  A lovely lady.  Happy birthday grama ♥ Here is an old old picture of a fun day, taken in one of those old photo booths. That is me with my eyes closed.  

A beautiful time of the year.  Can't help but smile.  My daughter took this picture the other day.  The colour won't last long and the leaves will be gone.  Everything seemed perfect.

Brings joy to the heart looking at it.

The good, the bad and the ugly.  Such a mixture of emotions.

First the good:

Had a free mini-facial after work yesterday.  Oh my gosh, I could have laid there all night.  Got some really excellent advice for my skin type, age and products etc. I really want to go for a full 2 hour facial.  And maybe a massage.  Oh yeah, they cost money.  Will have to look at my budget.

Got some much needed closure on a situation in my life needing closure for quite some time.  I am not going to lie, I still don't understand what went so wrong and understand I probably never will.  I've been working on getting to this point and yesterday I got there.  At least I certainly hope so.  Felt like it.  

The Bad:

Been sick for two days with flu like symptoms and end up with a migraine by day's end.  Went to work both days but if I feel like this when I wake up tomorrow morning, I think I will stay home.  It is hard right now as I don't have time to be sick.  I am already doing my job plus another job and if I am not there that leaves someone else to do three jobs.  Hopefully I will be feeling better but if not, I will call my co-worker and tell her to just leave everything for me on Thursday.   sigh

The Ugly:

My daughter's boyfriend just lost his best friend.  This friend was shot to death, murdered, Saturday night.  Another person was also shot but he survived.  Poor Chris was to meet up with his friend on Sunday and was calling him Sunday morning getting no answer.  He finally went on facebook to write him a message when he saw some RIP's.  He confirmed what he did not want to face.   How does one deal with something like this.   Our town does not have many murders ... this will be the 5th for the year.  Five too many for sure.  The police did make an arrest, and this is good, however, does not help the grief.

My choice for a deck the next few days is Tarot of the Old Path by Howard Rodway.  Can't remember when I got it since I didn't write the date in the book.  I do know I've never used it.

Today's card:

My first thought seeing the lady's red dress is she is strong and vibrant.  And like me middle aged.  She is looking forward to her future.

That is all I get right now.  Its been a rough day.  

to a better tomorrow ....