Saturday, June 16, 2012

Jun 16/12 - Happy birthday to Mom "G" who is no longer with us on this earth but deeply missed.

I am thinking perhaps my middle/upper/shoulder/neck pain could be related to some emotional stuff I've been through lately.  It began shortly after an emotional encounter almost three weeks ago with someone I considered a close friend.  Clearly I've been in denial as this encounter showed me.  Do I feel stabbed in the back?  Yes.  Do I feel a lack of support?  Yes.  Do I feel guilty? Yes.  Adding to my "pain" were two days at work sitting in my chair at my desk, working under pressure, way beyond the normal working hours. 

Earlier, I did some yoga and some specific exercises for my sore area. Helped. Not gone but helped.  I decided to do some meditation but first I sat down with a piece of paper and just started writing.  Let whatever come out.  And come out it did.  Now, that felt good.  On to the meditation.  Many years ago used to do an "inner guide" meditation and felt this would be the one to use.  Wow ... amazing experience.  Didn't get too far but will be going back as there is work to do there.  I met a hare who had me going around in circles for a bit and then told me it wasn't time to meet my inner guide.  I agreed.  After that I sat at a beautiful tree gazing at the beautiful forest area.  Then I went back to my "cave" and noticed my work space (which I hadn't noticed when I first arrived before going out) with both tarot and astrology books, decks, papers etc.  Noted.  Laid down on my comfy couch and had a nap.  As I felt myself coming back to reality, I concentrated on breathing in positive energy, breathing out negative.  Opened my eyes and looked around.  With new eyes.  Can't wait to go back.  This is to become a daily routine.  Have a special notebook to write down my experiences.

Since I was so relaxed, it was a perfect time to pull a card for the day, again from the Manga Tarot.

4 Wands - such a pretty lady on this card. So confident and happy and although you can't see any other faces you can see hands as they throw flower petals all around her.  It is clear they are proud of her, acknowledging and sharing in her celebration whatever it might be.  This card reminds me, I want to feel like her.  I did while in my meditation. I can't allow myself to forget the positive characteristics within myself. Don't forget my accomplishments over the course of my lifetime.  I am confident, capable, loyal, loving and supportive.  I am a good friend.  I am a good mother and father (had to be both). I am all those things and more ...

It is a hot day out there and it feels like some rain may be on the way, perhaps a thunderstorm.  I live in an apartment building and luckily I face a little forest.  I can sit on my balcony and pretend I am anywhere.  Far away from the city.  I like that.  As I gaze out my window right now all I see is the trees as they move in the wind and the clouds as they roll in.  The simple things bring me joy.  Time for a sit outside.  My son gave me Game of Thrones to read.  Having a hard time with it but for his sake will give it more time.  It might grow on me. 

to be continued .....

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