Phew, the new girl at work called in sick yesterday and again today.  I am so sorry she is sick, however, it is back to double duty for me.  No energy or motivation left for playing with my cards.  No words rambling around in my head.  Time for a break until the weekend. Relax once home.  Looking forward to Thursday evening as my son, his girlfriend and myself are going to see Danny Michel in concert.  I love me some Danny ♪

I am grateful I already have the tickets for Danny ...
I am grateful my son will be preparing a delicious meal before we go see Danny ...

JOY

Time is passing slowly today for some reason.  Usually on the weekends, it goes by way too fast.  Woke up this morning to more blowing snow.  This day, however, I had to leave the warmth of my home and venture over to the grocery store for supplies.  Once bundled up, I very much enjoyed the walk there and back.  

It has been quite the busy day puttering around my apartment ... and finally I exercised.  Yay for me!! This has been an on-going procrastination for me for no good reason.  Felt good both physically and emotionally. Now to continue tomorrow.

Cards for today still from the Vanessa Tarot (Lynyrd Narciso):

My thoughts when seeing these ... that is my hand in the Six of Coins reaching out for help.  The lady, who is obviously doing well materially in life, is willing to share.  Not sure what her story is, however, because of her generosity, whatever the motive, it allowed me to regain some momentum, some energy.  The girl (me) in the Two of Coins is happily balancing her life and able to adapt.  There may be decisions to be made but for the moment she is feeling joy.  Thanks to the kind lady.  No doubt they are both me finding out what is really going on.  Not just on the surface but deep within.  The six and the two add to eight = strength.  Perhaps my ability to remain resilient.  Keep my eye on those plans/goals I wrote out and continue working on what is really important.

I am grateful for the company of my girls and their unconditional love:

♥♥♥

Woke up to snow this morning flying all around.  Some stayed on the ground but not much.  A strange sight indeed.  Perhaps winter is here?

Hoping all my friends and relatives in the US are enjoying their Thanksgiving celebrations.  This means Christmas is right around the corner and I better get creative with some ideas for gifts.

So, I had a dream the other night about a very nice man I was dating last year for about six months.  I broke things off with him right before New Year's Eve.  He was not pleased with me.  Rightly so.  We talked a few times since then but not for at least seven months.   Anyway, in the dream it appeared he needed to talk to me, however, it wasn't resolved.  I woke up.  Needless to say he has been on my mind and I wonder if he does indeed need to talk to me.  

Today I drew a card with him in mind from the Vanessa Tarot by Lynyrd Narciso (by the way I found the LWB today underneath my bed probably carried there by my cat, China).

Interesting card to draw  ... the Seven of Swords.  First thought of course is sneaky.  Second thought is whatever she is doing, she has decided to do it all by herself.

Underlying these thoughts for me is the idea of some sort of struggle within and solving it by being aloof or honestly thinking being alone is what comfortable.  Is it or isn't it?

This card accurately portrays "the why" I ended things.  It all happened too fast, too much especially for someone who has been on her own for many years  ... the safest thing for me was to push him away.  I successfully did that.  Of course since then, I have grown and made baby steps on the path in this area.

Do I call him or do I not call him.  Not sure.  This card did not suggest I do.  However, it made me seriously think.  

The plan is to do nothing today.  Meditate on it tonight. Perhaps this will open up what my true plan or intention is.   See what tomorrow brings.

I am grateful for the all the love in my life. 

 

Is Mercury retro almost over.  Yesterday I left my Ipod at work and it is what I use to take pictures of my cards, so no picture.  Tonight, I can't find the LWB for the Vanessa Tarot by Lynyrd Narciso.  It was on my desk on Monday evening.  Disappeared.  I am sure it will reappear when it is ready.  I don't really need it.  It just bothers me that I can't find it.

Today's card for the day:   

I think of Strength when the eights appear. And with the Coins or Pentacles, all the Taurus parts of me come to mind.  She is putting her all into her creations.  It is tedious, detailed work but she is sticking with it.  Obviously very important to her.

It mirrors all my efforts put in at work.  Above and beyond.  With a smile.  But not without a certain amount of blood, sweat and tears.  

"He did each single thing as if he did nothing else" - Charles Dickens

I have been obsessed lately with finding a new place to live.  Taken over my thoughts.  No doubt using this as an escape from all the sadness and challenges of late with people passing and work being overwhelming.  Fantasizing about a wonderful new place to live felt good.

I actually went to look at a place after work tonight.  The ad, which had pictures, looked great. Really looked like it had character and the price and location are perfect. I was excited. Once there, what a let down.  It was horrible, small, not an ounce of character and not worth the rent being asked.  

But it was exactly what I needed.  When I got home I sat down to unwind.  Felt like I needed a lighter deck to work with so dug out the Vanessa Tarot by Lynyrd Narciso.

Drew:

At first glance I felt a little discouraged by these cards but looking further at them, they are perfect.  The Moon for me is always a good card.  It fits here with my moodiness, hiding my fears and creating a fantasy.  The Eight of Cups shows how drained and discouraged I am.

But they are also telling me to stop looking outside myself for the answers.  Give myself some nurturing, some much neglected nurturing.  I need to appreciate what I have rather than what I don't have.

Once I saw the apartment, I knew it was over.  Something clicked inside and these cards confirmed this feeling.  I won't solve anything by moving.  That is not the answer.  

Yes, I am to continue finding my new destination but continue to do so by looking within.  And perhaps I can redecorate my current apartment or change something or just go buy something for myself.

Yeah .. that sounds perfect ...

I am grateful to the universe ... I love the universe ...

Not a lot of words today.  Sort of empty in that regard.  Yesterday was one of the worst days in a long time.  Not sure if it is Mercury retro, the eclipse or just all the death touching me.  My heart just breaks for my cousin, her two children and two grandchildren. So very sad.

However, today was a much better day.  I actually accomplished the task of being able to see what my desk looks like at work and I really "feel" I accomplished something.  I had an unexpected invitation to lunch and what a lovely hour of conversation and delicious food.  The training of the new girl continues easily. 

Card pulled a few minutes ago from Lo Scarabeo Tarot deck:

Queen of Wands My first thought was it is a nice card, a feel good card.  The yellow makes me think of the sun and the sun makes me think of joy.  The cat always makes me smile and I know she is taking care of me.

Wherever this Queen wants to be, I don't think she is there yet.  The look on her face tells me, not quite yet.  Close.

I must put all the emotions stirred up in recent days to good use.  Use them to inspire and motivate me.  Just do it.

I am grateful for today and being able to smile again ...

A sad, sad day yesterday.  My cousin's husband lost his battle with cancer.  Less than a year after being diagnosed.  There has already been so much loss in her life.  She lost her mother, her step-mother, her dad and now her husband.  No words, just no words.

I also found out yesterday my brother and his wife had to put down, Coal, their dog of 13 years.  Coal was family and he will be missed.

I also found out my good friend's, husband's best friend, had a heart attack and didn't make it.  

Almost too much put together with my dad's birthday and his passing on the 15th.  

After saying all that, today was a pretty good day.  Work was busy as usual but I wasn't stressed even though I had to stay a half an hour late.  When I got home I decided to play with my cards to try and unwind from the day before getting myself some food.

As I shuffled my thought was guidance please.  Actually my dilemma right now is trying to get myself back to a regular routine of exercise.  I seem to be stuck and can't do it.  The desire is there which is good but the motivation is lacking once home.  

A card fell out and I set it aside without looking at it and continued on.  Using the Lo Scarabeo Tarot deck pulled the Knight of Wands:

 My first thought was how intense it looks.  Not sure about the falling bodies.  Casualties of the hurriedness (I know that isn't a word LOL) perhaps or my three deaths (although one wasn't human).  He does seem in control and ready for a challenge.  He is facing left which to me is the past.  So my thoughts are to move forward but use what I have already gained from the past.  Most of my tools for success are from the past.  I just need to enhance on them and allow myself to use them.  Exercise was always a part of my routine.  It can be again.

Then I looked at the card that fell out:

Not a pretty card but the background isn't gloomy and is hopeful looking.  It is an appropriate card for my thoughts over these last few days.

There is no death! What seems so is a transition - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ...

Been away for awhile.  Actually haven't really been myself for awhile.  I need to find my joy again as I seem to have lost it over the last few months.  Mostly it has been work draining me to my core as I attempted to maintain two jobs since mid September.  But finally this past Monday a new girl started.  She is young, she is eager and I am very pleased with the choice.  I spent the week training her and I must say it went very well.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.  Oh yeah, there is still much for her to learn but some of the pressure is off me and it will get better as time goes on.  

So, I am back and ready to find time for ME and what brings me joy.  It is my dad's birthday today.  He would have been 90.  On the 15th, it will be 5 years since he passed.  I am happy I am able to smile now when I think of him, and mom, rather than feel sad.  It is also Remembrance Day for our vets here in Canada and he spent his life in the military.  Lest we forget ...

Spent time today meditating.  I've been using The Medicine Woman Inner Guidebook by Carol Bridges, along with the cards, as a tool for meditating.  Very helpful and have been quite successful in making it part of my early evening.  Today my mother hugged me.  Oh my, what a feeling that was.  Guess she knew I needed a hug.

For the card a day draw I am going to use the Lo Scarabeo Tarot.  Haven't spent much time with them since buying so as an unused deck will spend a few days, maybe a week, with them.  See how it goes.  I do not have a companion book and am not sure there is one.  The LWB doesn't have much information.  Will go on my gut.

Today's draw (I must say they don't photograph very well):

My first thought was I need to take responsibility for my own success/growth.  Exactly.   It is time to move ahead and look to a brighter/joyful future.  Take the steps to do so and be confident about it.

In fact, I have already taken some steps with more to go.  Trying.  Although Mercury retro is getting in my way.  Patience needed.

being true to myself .....

So, I pulled the Six of Bowls (The Medicine Woman Tarot) again today. What!! Three days in a row.  Definitely wants me to get my attention.

I have given a lot of thought to the words I wrote yesterday.  The book suggests putting the whole period of time in question or the relationship into a powerful symbol of some kind.  A song, a poem, a dance, a painting or something I do well.  My life will become my art and my art will become my life.  A great idea and one I plan to follow through on.

The Six of Bowls ... well, it is November now.  My dad's birthday is Nov 11 and on Nov 15 it will be five years he's gone.  November is my dad's month.  I checked my numerology book and find the Six of Bowls is ruled by the 2nd decanate of Scorpio, being Neptune/Pisces.  My dad of course was a Scorpio and he had Pisces rising.  This card is so my dad.  And how fitting this being an appreciate days gone by sort of card.  My dad was the sweetest, kindest, most gentle person ever.  Very quiet but oh my gosh, what inner strength he had.  Amazed me and still does.  Perhaps this card is telling me to meditate on all the good he was and still is and absorb his strength. 

to be continued ....