Update

My mother-in-law passed on Sunday morning.  On to her next journey.  Her funeral is this morning.  It has hit me harder than I anticipated.  The last we spoke she invited me over to help me design the crochet tarot bags I've been wanting to make.  She had some great ideas and wanted to share them with me.  We won't get to do that.

I am glad for the 36 years I knew her.  A beautiful lady.  

Love you Mom "G"

Sad day

News of my mother in law's health failing is not really news since she's been sick off and on for years and always recovered.  The lady has some deep inner strength.  A beautiful Gemini lady.  But this past week, her daughter emailed me to say the latest set back would be fatal although there was no time line ... a few days, a week a month or more.  My daughter and I planned a visit this morning to see her (probably for the last time).  Once there however we were greeted by Marney, her daughter, Kris and her husband to find out this could be mom "G"'s last day.  Unexpectedly soon.  Very sad.  In so many ways it is sad.  I married and divorced the wayward son and truly, although mom and dad "G" have been generous with birthday gifts and Christmas gifts, they have not really considered my children to be family.  All the more evident when mom "G" is ill and we are asked not to visit.  The same happened today although luckily Lindy and I already left to go have breakfast and then on to the hospital.  Dad "G" upon receiving the news it might be her last day, called and left a message for us to not come "because of the situation".  We did not receive this message.  His message angers me.  Lindy is their granddaughter.  Me, no I am not family.  But Lindy and Jordan are.  I do love dad "G" but his words are cruel and cut to the heart.  Once we were there, I could tell mom "G" was happy to see both of us.  She took my hand, I told her how much I loved her and how she's helped me all these years.  She told me she loved me.  And then she held on to Lindy's hand for  the longest time.  SHE wanted us there.  I am so glad we went.

I pulled a card right now and got the Fool.  Isobel Grieve is on the brink of a new journey.  She's finished with this one and will begin a new one.  Appropriate card for sure.  At first glance, I didn't think so but with some thought, indeed, it is.  Isobel is/was very creative, very open and very willing to go places ...  This time she is going to jump off the cliff, she is ready to go and said as much.

Love  you mom "G".

Follow to Page of Sword card in previous post

It is the little things I enjoy.  Last week and this week have been crazy busy for me at work.  To the point of overwhelming.  To the point of me wanting to leave for parts unknown.  Anyway, I pulled the Page of Swords in a spread the other day and made a note to myself to look for a message and since Swords is air perhaps look for words.  On Wednesday, there was a letter in my mailbox.  Well not really a letter.  It was from the property management folks with my rent increase.  It doesn't take affect until May but they always send the notice in January.  I didn't want to open it especially considering the mood I've been in.  So I left it for a bit.  Later on in the evening I opened it.  Much to my surprise my rent increase is only .70%  ... honestly.  Only a few dollars more.  It had to be an error.  But on second look that is what it said.  So indeed a wonderful message to receive.  A little thing perhaps but it will make my year just that much easier.  Thank you Page of Swords.

to be continued .....

Simple reading

Its been a good day.  I managed to spend most of it with my tarot cards.  Joy for sure. My father's father is from Denmark so I have some Viking roots.  Got out my Viking Cards and read the book as I looked at each card.  32 cards.  The author is from Iceland and I found it very interesting.  Love the cards and will draw one each morning for advice.  Will see how they feel.

Later in the day, I got out the Mystic Dreamer deck and pulled three cards:

1 - Where I've been - The World (21)
As I look at the card, I realize I have all the knowledge I need, I'm aware I have the knowledge and I want to remember the knowledge.  It's in me, it's in the universe, I am the universe.  

2- Where I am - The Hierophant (05)
 The is my card when you do the numbers for my birthday.  I've struggled somewhat understanding what this card is really about especially in the traditional decks.  In this deck, it's a much more relaxed card, not so stern, not so much giving me the idea of conformity to whatever.  It reminds me that I know the solution, I need to relax and let it come forth.  Share with others, let someone share with me.  So where am I??? Well, I am struggling to find my way in the world I want to be in as well as struggling with myself to allow myself to do this.  Confidence in myself and my knowledge.

3. Page of Swords

I really like this card.  Its soothing to me as I look at it.  She is in a good place but definitely contemplating something.  Since its Swords there might be a message for me but I will need to look for it.   This message will help me.  


Add up the cards and you get "8" Strength.  I believe this is the same as my reading yesterday.  I need to use my inner strength to discipline myself to make my goals come true.  To believe in myself and live by what I believe to be true. 


Ramblings ...
to be continued .....

Aloness Vs Lonely

I'm a loner.  No doubt about it.  Being in denial about it or not wanting it to be true doesn't change it.  I have three brothers and then there was me.  They had each other and were great companions.  Oh I joined them but I just didn't quite fit in.  Boys are boys.  We moved around a lot and they always had each other and then there was me.  I guess I got used to being alone.  I created my own world.  I am not and never will be an outgoing type of person.  I have to work at it or be forced into it, so to say the least, it wasn't easy for me making new friends every few years.  Fits my Scorpio rising sign opposite my Taurus Sun.  Its been one of my struggles in life.  I learned to surround myself with outgoing friends making it easier for me.  That worked.  Then I got married, had two kids, got divorced, raised my kids alone (why does this not surprise) and worked my butt off to support us.  No time to be alone or lonely.  Now the kids are gone and I am on my own.  What is the difference between being alone and being lonely.  Lots really.  Truth is I do get lonely from time to time but for the most part I enjoy being alone.  As I age, I find myself enjoying the solitude, being reclusive. 

I grabbed my Pagan Tarot (Gina Pace) and drew three cards with alone and lonely and myself in mind and here is what I got.

1. 9 The Hermit - OMG ... what else can I say

2. 8 Pentacles - a woman in an office setting working alone (quite like myself) and working seriously (quite like myself)

3. 9 Pentacles - a woman sitting outside enjoying a drink and the sunshine ... and again quite like myself.  I love sitting out on my balcony surrounded by a few plants, my cats just relaxing for a few moments.  The word "joy" is what is important here.  I always try to find some joy in each day. 

An 8 surrounded by 9's.  It does seem similar the Hermit and the 8 of Pents with the seriousness but I do see the hope in the 9's.  Yes, the Hermit is alone and wants to be alone but she/he is searching and being introspective but will give back without expecting anything in return.  With the 9 of Pents there is a few moments to reap the rewards for all the hard work.  The three numbers add up to 8 (Strength).  Indeed.

Great cards to get for my train of thoughts lately.  They seem to be all about the solitude part of me.  Perhaps its okay to be there right now.  Perhaps I just need to allow myself to be there.  I don't totally neglect my friendships and loved ones but it is true I'd rather be alone than plan an evening out.  Or I might plan the evening out only to not want to go when the time comes.  It is quite a big deal when I do venture out but that is a whole other blog and tarot reading. 

to be continued ....

1-1-11

So it is Jan 1, 2011 ... all those ones must mean something right. Not sure I know the answer to that. Seems like 2010 really slipped by. Where did it go anyway. I sure didn't keep up this blog did I. Well not that I have any readers so no one would notice. It is really just for myself anyway.

I did a quick reading for myself using past, present and future cards. No thinking. What came to my mind I wrote down. A study aid for myself getting used to reading (quickly) for others in person. 'Tis my downfall. My mind tends to go blank. I know the stuff but it won't come out!! A goal for 2011.

Anyway, as I shuffled using the Spiral Tarot by Kay Steventon, I thought about this blog, my purpose and my goals.

Past - Princess of Pentacles - Time wasted. Stumbling blocks not overcome. In my day job, I excel, however, in my joy job (meaning the tarot), although well intentioned, this Princess reminds me of the importance of study and sticking with it. Being consistent.

Present - The Devil (15) -What am I afraid to see? What are my motives? What do I see when I look in the mirror? Deep down I know I can get past the fear. I know I need to do more to have what is inside me come out (verbally). It isn't hopeless as sometimes the voice tell me.

Future - The World - okay so that seems like a nice card to get. Am I going to start a new journey if I deal with the past and present issues. Will I be a more mature and evolved soul. Yes indeed. I already feel the new ideas and new ventures spilling forth. Hey, maybe even some new relationships. Its a good feeling and a feeling of wholeness. A good way to start a new year and a good goal to aspire to.

I have work to do for sure. And I am willing to do the work. I love doing the work. I just need to find the mental and physical energy to do it after a full day at my office job. This will be my challenge as I begin 2011. It really is important to me for so many reasons. Add up the numbers to the above and it comes to 36 which is 9 which is The Hermit. That fits me perfectly. There is so much knowledge within me that sometimes it hurts ... my problem is being able to verbalize it to others.

Much to do ... to be continued ... happy 2011♥