It has been awhile and I've missed this little bit of writing. Leading up to Christmas was very busy both with work and trying to get shopping done. Dec 24 is my son's new fiance's birthday. Normally because of work schedules, Christmas Eve was our family get together to open presents and have some fun. This year, however, we totally put the whole Christmas thing aside and had a birthday party. My son, who is a brilliant chef, outdid himself with the meal and birthday cake. We had so much fun. Then on Christmas Day we did it all again. What a special holiday it turned out to be and I am so grateful for two wonderful children and as well their wonderful partners.
Four days ago my world turned upside down or perhaps I should say might be turned upside down. Either way on Friday mid-day a phone call changed my life as I knew it the moment before. I will be entering 2013 not knowing if I have breast cancer. Only the day before the phone call was my mammogram so the call back was quick. However, I have to wait until Jan 14 for the further testing. I did not handle this well at all. No doubt because my own mother passed away at age 59 from breast cancer. Always in the back of one's mind. However, I have never had a call back. They tell me it isn't uncommon. They tell me not to worry. How does one not worry. I want to know one way or the other. Then I can deal with it. In the meantime, all I want to do is hide, the joy sucked out of me. But life does go on doesn't it and I must try to enjoy every moment as that is all any of us have. I have given this advice to several friends over the years.
It has been difficult to use any of my decks. They aren't working and I understand that. This morning I felt somewhat lighter so took the opportunity to get out the Osho Zen tarot deck.
I pulled 9 of Rainbows (Pentacles) "Ripeness" first. Beautiful card. I noticed the one apple falling off the tree. That felt like me. Off. The book tells me I just need to relax, to gather the courage to enter into my inner forest. Not to stop being me, sharing or being creative. It is always the right time. Oh yeah, I have shut down ... this card telling me to get off my butt and continue on being me.
Drew another card just for some further clarity and had to chuckle when I saw the 2 of Rainbows (Pentacles) "Moment to Moment".
Guess these cards gave me a universal scolding. Okay, okay, I will try. I will try. I will sit down right now and write down ten things I am grateful for. Ten things I can smile about.
I will try ...
I should be exercising but instead here I sit. A very busy day at work both physically and mentally. Silly me did not take a break for lunch. Ate on the go. Never a good idea. Am very tired. Nothing left.
It is also very mild outside, however, the heat in my apartment (I have no control) is more than needed. The window is open or I would be falling asleep.
My draw today from the Sun and Moon tarot deck (Vanessa Decort):
Two of Cups .. love written at the top. A very peaceful card. I can feel the energy between these two people. It feels very spiritual to me.
It does have some significance to me, however, it is personal and in the midst ... so will not speak of it.
I did have some help sitting at at my desk. My sweet Miss Lexie wanted to see what I was up to and planted herself right beside me. Had to work around her to get the picture of the two of cups. She makes me smile.
I am smiling because I had a very productive weekend. Finally the handmade gift for my daughter is completed. It took me all afternoon yesterday and in the end it isn't perfect but maybe that is what will be special about it. It got my creative juices flowing and the urge to make something else is strong. Just have to decide what. Fabricland is calling me to rummage through the remnants bin. Maybe some tarot bags to be made. Or a tablecloth for my son. The possibilities are endless.
It wasn't until about an hour ago I had the chance to sit down and play with my cards. I did a Wheel of Fortune spread from Barbara Moore's Tarot Spreads book with something specific in mind and was pleased with the outcome. The cards never cease to amaze me.
Recently I bought the Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort. My original thoughts on it may be changing. Not quite sure yet. Will use it for the coming week and see what happens.
Today's draw:
The detail is rather small and not so easy for me to see. I had to get out my magnifying glass to have a better look. My birth number is 5, I am a Taurus Sun. This is my card. Haven't seen a Hierophant quite like this one. At first look he/she is definitely rooted. The leaves (the LWB says they are lotus flowers with five leaves) look like butterflies dancing around to me. Freedom. So a balance between being rooted and being free. I like that. No eyes, no nose, no mouth ... a reminder we are all one.
off to end my weekend with a delicious meal ....
There are no words today. My heart is saddened with yet another senseless tragedy. So many innocent young lives lost. The tears fall.
....
On Friday I had the weekend all planned out. Here is it Sunday evening and my plan was not accomplished. But there is always next weekend.
I woke up this morning with an engaged son. She said yes. Not totally a surprise to me since we have discussed this possibility many times. I was just not expecting it to happen last night. Maybe New Year's Eve or later. Then he tells me the wedding is to be in May. A small wedding. But May. That is so soon.
I am over the moon excited and happy for them. For some reason, it has stirred up some emotions in me. Mixed emotions. Been dealing with them throughout the day.
A few minutes ago got out The Psychic Tarot Oracle Deck by John Holland ... I looked up, saw it, opened the box and began shuffling. This is the card I picked:
He reminds me of the Hierophant. 5 is my number. But this is 18 Shadow and quite obvious to me is my mixed emotions today. Being so happy, yet an underlying anxiety. Mom worries maybe. Or maybe this is just about me and coming to terms with what is being stirred within me and why. (have a pretty good idea)
as Bob Dylan said ... the times they are a changin'
What a crazy, busy, migraine filled week. Work was a bit much. I am so happy it is finally Friday. With Christmas right around the corner, I've tried to get my thoughts on gifts for my loved ones. Time is running out. I had the thought to buy a nail polish rack for my daughter. She has hundreds and hundreds of nail polish bottles and keeps them in a bin. But then I discovered the cost and difficulty of getting something appropriate. Quite by chance I came upon a DIY video of exactly what I wanted and it would end up holding almost her whole collection. After watching the video several times I decided to give it a try. During the week, I got all the supplies I need and it is my mission this weekend to create this rack.
I am quite excited about it. Been a long time since I used my creativity for something other than tarot or astrology. I love to sew, to crochet or knit but all have been sidelined lately.
Once home, groceries put away, kitties fed; I picked up The Housewives Tarot (by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum) and pulled:
ha ha ... perfect.
wish me luck ...
Can you see me smiling. A package was sitting on my doorstep when I arrived home today. On Saturday, I ordered this deck .. well just because ... I have not had a chance to properly have a look yet, to get to know it. Am excited to do so.
For a Monday, it was a good day. I feel lighter than I have for quite some time. Work went well. Finding the package with my new tarot deck and also in my mailbox a written letter from my cousin made my day. Put that smile on my face.
Again today using the Housewives Tarot by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum.
I just had to laugh when I saw the picture. Brought back some memories from my childhood. Particularly one when my three brothers thought I had done something worth punishment (can't even remember what) so Dad took me into my bedroom for a talking too and a spanking. However, he did neither, he just pretended to. We did talk though although about what I can't recall. Wish I could. Anyway, this picture brought back that memory.
The card itself brings to mind one must accept the consequences of one's actions. You created them and now must deal with them. A balance issue. Balance issues good and bad keep coming up in most of the cards I draw lately. Obviously something I need to deal with. Recognizing my mistakes and my good deeds, accepting both and growing forward.
to be continued ...
This week I am using The Housewives Tarot by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum. I have had it for years and never taken it out of the box. It should be fun.
My first draw:
At first glance, the Page of Wands reminds me of my three younger brothers and all their enthusiasm in our youth. They had chores to do but would rather play. In relation to myself, the card reminds me to not forget about my fun self and my dreams. Not to forget to say "yes" to new adventures. I control my own destiny.
The Six of Pentacles is about restoring the balance. My karmic balance. I could eat all those sweets myself, I could give them all away or I could share. The choice I make will have an effect on my dreams. The dreams of the Page of Wands. I often give and expect nothing in return. However, that can get out of balance and I must learn how to receive, to accept while giving nothing in return. And I must learn when not to give without receiving.
restoring the balance ....
