Happy 28th birthday Jordan.  A good day.  A what am I grateful for day.  Change the mindset to positive rather than lingering on the challenges as many of my posts have been.

I am grateful I woke up this morning
I am grateful to have two beautiful children in my life.  They are more than my children.
I am grateful for those who love me and those I love
I am grateful I have a job
I am grateful I have vacation time from that job

And speaking of vacation time.  How easy would it be to get used to not working.  Oh so easy.  I love it.  I would absolutely need some structure built in but oh the freedom.  And the stress level shoots way down.

As a what am I grateful for day, I brought out the Vanessa Tarot deck.  It is light and breezy and perfect for today.

Card of the day = 4 of Swords. In this deck the setting is, perhaps, a living room with a fireplace and an easy chair to the left.  A fire is burning.  The lady (me) is sitting so comfortably she has closed her eyes.  Resting, relaxing, taking a break from life for just a little bit.   Exactly what I said I wanted to do for this week off.  Take a break, re-charge.  Intellectually, emotionally and physically.  Perfect card.

Just for fun I checked the bottom card - 4 of Wands (another four).  This is tomorrow as we celebrate Jordan's birthday with a family BBQ.  Earlier, I got all the ingredients necessary to make him a cake.  I am going to wrap individual coins in wax paper and put in the cake.  Surprise!! This goes back to my childhood and I carried it on when the kids were young.  He will laugh.  It will be fun. 

A very hot, humid day here in Southwestern Ontario.  Yesterday was extremely hot with the sun, today the sun is hiding.  It feels like a thunderstorm could be brewing.  It is that type of day.  My only thought is the rain hold off until my son and his girlfriend get back from Toronto all safe and sound.  They went to Canada's Wonderland for his birthday.

to be continued :)))))

June 10, 2012
I woke up a week ago Thursday morning with upper back pain.  From out of nowhere, or, maybe not.  A personal issue with a friend, although that may be the wrong word, brought me enormous stress the previous four days.  Falling on the floor crying kind of stress.  At the same time it was month end and year end at work.  I sat in my chair from 8am until 4:30pm on Wednesday and from 8am until 7pm on Thursday under a lot of pressure to get all the sales in and posted.  Any wonder my back hurts.  Thought it would go away in a day or two but over a week later and it is still with me.  Course I haven't helped.  Bicycled to work this past Friday with a heavy backpack on my back.  Beautiful ride I might add all along the river.  So lucky the bike/walking path goes all the way to work and I can avoid the streets. Had no option but to bike it in since my ride is off every Friday until the end of September.  Good thing I enjoy biking.  Carrying home my backpack full of groceries on my back doesn't help either.  One has to do what one has to do.  I am off work this coming week and plan to rest my back as best I can.  Have been doing some yoga exercises to help and will continue.  Meditating to ease the nervous energy within.

So I pulled three cards a little while ago from the Morgan-Greer Tarot (the Spanish edition ordered in error) asking for options on moving forward.  No specific spread, just a general look.

1. 7 Wands
2. 9 Swords
3. 3 Pents

They add up to 19 - Sun (love this card), that breaks down to 8 Strength. Bottom card when I looked was the World and the next top card if I had drawn it was the High Priestess. 

My first thought was oh yeah, I am tied up in knots and I am allowing my obstacles to be self imposed.  Need to learn to let things go faster and easier.  WORK AT IT.  9's can be endings.  3's growth.  Not quite over yet, however, it isn't in my nature to give up and I will continue moving forward best I can.  I am a Taurus ... I know how to be stubborn,  I know how to work hard, I know I have great inner strength.  And I love the Sun card.  Seeing it makes me smile.  LOL 

On a totally different subject, my daughter and her boyfriend did the 5k Gutsy Walk for Crohn's today in support of her friend, Jamie.  Raised a lot of money.  A 30C hot hot day as well.  Proud of her.

Oh and tomorrow is my son, Jordan's 28th birthday.  My baby. 

 to be continued .....

Having a rather difficult time since the eclipse.  Brief periods of light but then the darkness comes again without warning.  Feels like I'm down a hole and can't climb my way out.  Trying, just can't quite get there.  Almost, cry of joy, but a bit too soon.  Life is a challenge sometimes, well my life always has been, and this is no different.  Learn the lesson, Carol, I tell myself.  Learn the lesson.  Or it will just come back around and around and around until you do.  Okay.  

I had decided to do some mediation or some qigong to get out of myself and then I read these words and perhaps I will be able to make that climb ...

Universe:  "Grant me the awareness to be fully present and receptive to the gifts of this day. Free me from the distractions of the past or fears of the future and allow me to be genuinely open to all that is available to me TODAY. Help me to enjoy the creativity of others as well as share my own creativity at its best. Let this be a day where I experience my life as a wonderful creation which I deeply love and am grateful for." (by Sonia Choquette)

Okay universe, I hear you.  Again.  It isn't like I don't already know this stuff.  Because I do.  I do.  One little lesson: put in place (somehow, someway) daily reminders so I don't forget my Self, my purpose, my goals, what I am grateful, who I am grateful for, those I can help, those that can help me and on and on.  Daily.  Don't get caught in the hole again.

To be continued ....

Back same day ... that is a record.  This afternoon I choose a deck, Morgan-Greer and meditated for awhile holding it.  Felt good.  Decided to draw three cards asking for some general direction to get me going again.

1 - 6 Swords
2 - King of Cups
3 - 5 Wands

Air/Water/Fire ... with the King itself being Air.

My first thoughts:  Moving forward from sad, stressful times, from indecision, from avoidance.  Becoming again aware of my intuition and my leadership abilities, having let them sit on the back burner.  The King is looking to the future away from the past although he is looking at the 5 of Wands.  Too many ideas floating around, too many things started and not finished.  I am to work on the sorting out of all these various areas in my life I need to balance.  I began that process today.

Adding the 6 + 5 = 11 is Justice.  Interestingly, this is the card I pulled last week and have been looking at all week.  I need to be honest and take responsibility for where I am in this life and where I am going.  I need to listen to my Self and move forward.  Always move forward.  The three cards pulled today clarify.

Excellent cards in my opinion.  They spoke loud and clear to me.  That made me smile.  Okay I hear you universe.  I hear you.

I will begin Qigong again along with my regular exercise workout.  I began it over a year ago, loved it but did not continue for whatever reason.  I NEED to continue it as it helped.  I enjoyed it very much.

So, a lot came from those three cards.  Happy me.

To be continued ....

Almost been a year since I've posted.  How did that happen?  Doesn't really matter since no one read it but me but it is a good place to write down my thoughts with the help of some tarot cards.  I am just out of another busy tax season and am finding my Self again.  Tax season leaves me with no time or energy for the things I love to do.  My life becomes work, sleep and work again.  No way to live but not really an option to change jobs at this point in my life.  Am going to start reading again and posting here with thoughts.  For myself. LOL.

The eclipse last night at 0 degrees Gemini falls exact on my Venus (really in last degree of Taurus) which happens to be square Saturn and opposite the Asc.  Saturn square my Sun bringing that into the mix ... TSquare triggered.   Interesting.

To be continued ... (and I mean it)

Being Away

Since I last wrote, I've been in a rather "low" cycle and am only now finding my way out.  I haven't been able to play with my cards at all.  When I have brought them out, they were not willing to cooperate.  So I left them be.  The good news is I am off work for a week and I will have time to recharge, to sort myself out.  Time for Qigong and some long walks are in order. 

definitely to be continued .....

Joy

The card of the day: 10 of Cups.

As I look at the card, I instantly feel joy.  A rainbow and all the cups are in the rainbow.  A couple with their back to me and their hands palm out raised as if to say thanks for all the gifts.  Two children are skipping and they are part of the love this couple have found.  Cups are water ... feelings,  emotions, love in this card.  A lovely home with a plentiful stream and lush trees and earth.  Life is good.  

I keep wondering about their backs to me and they are standing not on the green earth but on the brown earth. The bottom of her dress is long at the back and a brown colour.   Perhaps they will not forget their past and where they came from as they go forward to their future.  All was not always so joyous and they've worked hard to be where they are now.

In my own life, I wish very much for my family to be happy.  When they are sad (as my son was yesterday) my heart hurts.  When my daughter goes through some tough emotions or frustrations, I just want to make it all better.  I want our lives to be this card.  Of course it isn't and the reality is it never will be,.  Life isn't perfect.  But I can wish and move forward with those thoughts.

It also triggers thoughts within me about just what happy is.  Quite interesting really.

to be continued ...