bye

Bye Bye Magical Journey. My thinking that once retired I would have time to blog has not worked out as planned.  There seems to be less time now than when I was working.  How does that work!!

I am now a grandmother and babysit two days a week which is a blessing and such a joy. Watching him grow and learn is quite an amazing experience.

Tarot is still a big part of my life and I do readings three times a week. This is helping me to gain experience and confidence but mostly I just love it. Often it comes to mind to start a facebook page or post on instagram but I don't follow through.  I do follow everyone I came to know through this blog and totally enjoy their wonderful posts and insights.

Life truly is a magical journey even with all the ups and downs.  There is a balance somewhere in there and an on-going process finding it. I will never tire of the search.

Magical Journey may find a new life somewhere, sometime.  This is on my goal list.

See you later

Baby steps back

Been awhile. I haven't written or journaled in many many months and so am definitely out of practice. However, writing/journaling benefits me in so many various ways, here I go with an attempt.

When I retired mid June, I had no idea two months later I'd still be transitioning to this new life. Definitely taking longer than I ever imagined to clear my head of decades of "work information".  Surprised as well how many emotional ups and downs there have been. 
As long as I can remember, my routine was based around my job. Now there is no set routine, no alarm clock getting me up ... it is 100% up to me to work out an order of sorts.  

Once I realized this was going to be a slower process than I anticipated, I gave myself permission to do nothing or rather do whatever.  It has been quite enlightening what I gravitated to but that is a whole other blog.

Now the time has come for the cards to come out and for me to be my creative self again.

Starting small by using only two cards and using the Universal Waite tarot, I asked  "what do I need to know about getting my writing/journal/tarot mojo back".

The 3 of Pents shows me I need to put in the effort but also share with others, listen and receive back. Indeed I have begun the process of doing just that by reaching out to like minded folks who can help me and me help them.

The 10 of Cups tells me I can get my "joy" back.  Much to my dismay it disappeared a few years ago after always being there to help me through all the challenges thrown my way. Seeing this card my eye went immediately to the children playing.  I did this regularly last winter/spring as I struggled through another pressure and stress filled tax season.  I dug down deep and brought out my 6 year old self to play with me and we had fun each evening. She really did show me what laughing and having fun can mean.  Tarot is something that is fun for me.

The Shadow card (bottom of the deck card) is The Fool. For me this totally connects to the innocence of the children playing and my need to be more like that in present time. Also The Fool is telling me to just go for it.  Stop overthinking everything.

These cards add up to 13 - Death.  Am thinking this is my excuse voice, my lack of confidence voice and even some illogical fear. However, I also see Death, particularly with these cards, indicating the clearing away of the old routines, the old way of being.  Leading to a band new me for this part of my journey. I am okay with it being a slow process.

Just some words

I am a child again waiting for a future time that seems to take forever to arrive. The problem being I want to be in the now rather than waiting.  Seems easy on the surface but as I have discovered not so easy.

I've worked at the same job for almost 27 years and am grateful for those years. It saved me at a time when I found myself with two young children to take care of on my own. It fed us, kept a roof over our head and gave us a good life.  I enjoyed the work, thrived on the pressures and even the stresses a busy January to May tax season can bring. But the time has come to call it a day.  Time to move on to what I am really passionate about.  Time to have the time and the mental energy to actually spend on these activities.

Getting through this last tax season has been harder than I anticipated.  Two voices ... one keeps me going one day at a time, the other allows me to dream about life post work.

44 more working days.  It often feels like it will never arrive.

The last few years have been extremely challenging personally for me. Many changes, decisions, letting go, personal growth, moments of wondering what it is all about.  The growth, the questions, the curiosity will never end and that is what I love.

My wonderful friend, SM, surprised me once again with the arrival of another of her paintings.  This one, when I first looked at it, saw only the beautiful bubble of yellow.  It captures and engulfs me. The turmoil and challenges ... being the darkness ... will always be a part of me but the yellow will win.  My eye on the yellow as I learn, grow and evolve.

I am so grateful for people like SM in my life who brighten my spirit.

Grateful for my beautiful daughter who loves me for who I am with no expectations. Very rare.

Grateful for my son who opened my eyes to a whole new world. Travelling with him to our jobs in the city this past year and a half  (an hour there, an hour home) has been amazing.  I will miss this special time together.

Grateful for the community here on-line and am looking forward to having the time to catch up with everyone. Their blogs, activities and interacting again.

44 more working days!!! I can do it.  Yes I can.

Extended hiatus

... to be continued after June 17, 2016.

(my current day job ends forever on that day and my time will be my own - let the countdown begin :)))

My Ace of Cups

A wonderful painting. The artist, my late ex-mother-in-law, gifted me several of her creations just before she passed.  They are treasures to me, and at the time, didn't realize just how significant.

This particular painting represents my new beginning with all the excitement and the challenges.  My new found courage and inspiration.

Imagine the possibilities as I continue on my journey getting in touch with who I am deep within, where I fit, how I connect with others and others to me.  

Endless.

Transitions

The second absolutely beautiful painting by my generous friend, SM, arrived not long ago.  I keep looking at it thinking how it was painted just for me and how perfect it is.

The Queen of Pentacles comes to my mind right away.  Then I realize that is me sitting there.  A calm, content and pleased me.  Taking a moment to contemplate, to enjoy my new life.

Ten months later, this new life is a challenge but wonderful all at the same time. Moving from a city to a town with 5,000 people is an adjustment.  In the painting there is a city in the background.  Well I see it as a city ... since I haven't quite left the city behind.  Work is still there, driving an hour there and an hour back every day is still my reality.  For the next 17 months.

The big city offer much. My new surroundings are worth all the sacrifices. The quiet, the friendliness of the townfolk and the beauty all make up for the inconveniences of not having the best internet service, having only one small expensive grocery store and no department store.  Planning is needed.

A year ago this new life of mine was a fantasy.  Unreachable it seemed.  Then one phone call changed everything and this transition from my old life to this new life began.  So many changes. Ongoing, challenging but the right path.  There is no doubt.

Oh the possibilities.

Burdens lifed

A far away fiend, who paints, told me she was going to toss her collection thinking they weren't very good anyway.  Oh my gosh, I said.  Don't do that. I'll take them.  She agreed and is sending me one painting at a time, whenever the urge strikes her.  I have not seen them so each will be a surprise.

The first painting arrived a few weeks ago.

Upon opening, I was amazed at the colours used and what a perfect fit for my bedroom wall in my new home.  Once my painting job is complete, this is where her painting will live.

Second thought ... Six of Swords ... with the perspective of the arrival rather than the leaving.  I've already gone through the process of figuring out new solutions and perspectives.  I've created a new cycle allowing old difficulties to be resolved or put behind me.  Burdens lifted as a new life begins.

Thank you SM - your painting is perfect.  Can't wait for the next one to arrive.

Smiles :)))))

(SM knows nothing of tarot)

Joy!!

Unfortunately not much time for tarot these tax season work days. Sad yes.  And since my relocation last November, the commute to work is two hours a day spent in a car.  The positive is I get to spend these two hours with my son.  We work only ten minutes from each other so everything has worked out.  It is joy to spend these two hours five days a week with him.

We used to leave in the dark, come home in the dark.  Then when the weather was right, amazing sunsets.  The last two weeks, we get to see the sun rise.  What a sight.  Pure joy.  Going home, the sun is higher and not quite ready to set.  But the occasional great picture shows itself.  As we drive along I can't stop myself from snapping picture after picture.  Even on the worst days when it is stormy and windy, nature is truly amazing.  A little dangerous at times for sure.  The winter stormy part of the commute isn't exactly joyful and it has been a bad winter.

My goal: Keep finding joy in the simple things.  They are everywhere. This was last Thursday on the way home a little later than usual.  Sun right in our eyes.

My card of the day today: Understanding (Page of Water) from the Osho Zen Tarot.  Perfect.

'Til next time

Note to Self

Just not enough hours in the day.  A common complaint I suppose.  Definitely true in my life.

Note to self: next life do not work in accounting.  There is no life between January and May and there is way too much stress and pressure.  Enough said.

A day off ... yay!!  Am doing my best to fit in a tarot session.  My to do list is long but decided allowing myself some "me" time would not only benefit me but all the other people involved in my life.

Am ready to begin and have some fun.

Wildwood here I come ....

PS - Is there anyone who has a knitting or crochet pattern(s) for tarot bags you are willing to share.  My next project once May arrives.

Welcome to 2015

A new year begins. For me it represents the beginning of a new beginning. A new home, a new town, new situations, new routines. Except for having the same job (a lovely 50 minute commute each way), everything has changed.  All very quickly, rather unexpectedly and all within three months.  So here I am.

In those months, with my normal routines disrupted, I did not touch a tarot deck or look at a birth chart.  As I settle into my new home discovering what my new "normal" will be, I find my hands longing to shuffle a deck. To just sit and close my eyes for a meditation.  It has been way too long.

Finally, yesterday I sat, closed my eyes and left my physical body for awhile. What a pleasure. What a difference it makes.

Today, I found a tarot deck, shuffled and drew a card.  Left it face down. Wanted to feel it, touch it and enjoy it.  Wrote some thoughts in my journal before seeing the card.  

When ready I turned it over to find the Magician.  Begin at the beginning, at the root. All the knowledge and tools are within my realm of possibility. What a lovely first card to get after all this time.  (I am unable to add a photo until my system is totally up and running.)

Could not resist doing the numerology of my new town, my address and my post office box. 

The town letters add up to a 9 - for me a meaning of the 9 is the seeds of a new beginning.  That fits.

My street address adds up to a 5.  5 is my soul number.

My post office box number adds up to 5 - I had to smile when I realized this. Totally random as the computer chose once the lady put my info in.

Seems meant to be.

Sometimes life amazes me.  The challenges and the good times.  They all fit together in an odd and beautiful way.  It is for me to work on figuring it all out.  Along the way, I have fully realized I need to be my own best friend, I need to be okay on my own and to create my own reality.  If all of this happens, it opens the door for healthier relationships outside myself.

I have missed keeping up to date with those blogs I used to read every day. I miss your words. I miss your perspective and how it helps me think and grow. I miss writing my own blog.

Once back to work next week a new tax season begins. As always in a short time, life will be consumed with work until the end of April.  I always say I won't let it but it happens.  Just the nature of the business.  So, with that in mind, I am telling myself it is okay to write a blog once a week. Exercise twice a week, meditate for a shorter time.  It is all okay.

Life is interesting ... 

Happy 2015!!!!

Big (life changing) changes in progress (I hope)

Can't believe it is September 1st already.  Where did the summer go?  For me it has been full of searching within and without.  During this process, I made a pretty big decision and am in the midst of the follow through.  Details to be shared once it is a done deal.  My stress level and ability to concentrate is, well, off the charts.   Listen to my inner voice, not the one sitting on my shoulder, I keep reminding myself.  Over and over as I tend to second guess my decisions.  Basically that is just the fear (perhaps of change) talking.

Today, I drew three cards relating to this particular life change, what I need to know and the ultimate effect.  These are the cards I drew from the Anna K Tarot:

Wow, I think this just might work out???  Do I dare think so? Hopefully within the week I will be celebrating as in the Nine of Cups.  Any positive thoughts directed my way would be appreciated, especially Tuesday around 7pm.

'til next time ....

Encouragement

Using the Hezicos Tarot by Mary Griffin for today's draw.

I do believe I am being encouraged to have more hope and optimism in my heart, mind and body.  Give form to what is within and being confident about it.  Pay attention to the little clues as they could very well be the key to opening the door. (I am struggling to give form to much of anything lately.)

Any thoughts out there in the Universe?

Miss my blog.

Unconscious Awareness

Finally, a week off work.  A week to unwind, relax and spend time doing .. well whatever I feel like doing.  Contemplate, exercise, catch up.

With that said, it has been harder than I thought to take myself out of my normal work routines and get out the creative me.  Concentration is somewhat lacking.  Although I do suspect my old brain needs a rest.  Some meditation is in order so have been spending time doing that.

Still with the Vision Quest Tarot by Gayan S. Winter & Jo Dose using the same spread as the other day, my cards for today - Card 1 - The Essence of my "issues"; Card 2 - What hinders me; and Card 3 - What helps me.

Surprise, surprise.  Two cards the same as last time, different position but same message.

I had already made the decision to concentrate on various types of meditations a few days ago.  So seeing the Moon reinforces this is a good decision.  Very important to get deeper in touch with my inner life, even my past lives.  Bring to the surface what needs to be dealt with, what has been forgotten but is affecting me now.

Mother of Earth in the hindering me position is telling me to be kind and good to myself.  I need to be my own security/foundation.  Many years have been spent being this for others and yes, still can be, but to a lesser degree.  She is also telling me to stop obsessing about certain financial matters relating to my future security.  To have faith in the plan worked out, let life work itself out and be here in the now.

Four of Fire I think the time is right around the corner where all the emotional ups and downs and confusions of this past year will be worked through.  I have purged, both physically and emotionally, with the intent to welcome the new.  I am grateful to all those who have been a part of my life and to those who have helped without me even being aware. Never take anything for granted.  

I love this deck and what it has to say. Glad I dug it out.  

Holy Crap!!

Busy time at work is over, summer is here, so where is Carol?  Why the difficulty in getting started again.    It is no secret, apart from work being way too busy, there has been some family health issues and also I suffered a best friend loss.  (not such a best friend as it turns out).  The combination brought me down big time leaving me with a long way back up.  But the determination of my Taurus Sun and the optimism of my Sag Moon somehow keeps me trying.  My Gemini Mercury has me all over the place lately and unable to concentrate for very long.  Good excuse right.  NOT.

Anyway, July is almost here.  I have lots of vacation time over the next three months and this is going to be my time to figure out exactly what it is I want now that life has changed. No, it is me that has changed.  Changing.  Moving forward with a new me.  Maybe not so visible on the outside but certainly within.

I am keeping to my word of using decks that have been stuck away.  Today got out Vision Quest Tarot by Gayan Silvie Winter and Jo Dose.

Based on what I said above, I decided to do a three card spread.  The first card is the essence of my question; the second card is what hinders me; and the third card is what helps me. 

Here are my cards:

I started to cry when I saw these cards.  All that emotion staring back at me and oh so true.  But yet so very helpful.  Especially the words written in the LWB about Five of Water "The veils of ignorance are being lifted.  An illusion you have created and clung to now slowly dissolves, as it must.  Be brave, this is the beginning of an internal liberation." The lost friendship was/is an illusion and I did cling to it thinking it was what it wasn't/isn't.  Dissolve away. 

I love the Balance card.  So gorgeous.  Earlier today I found a wonderful hour long guided meditation on YouTube and the plan is to work with that tonight.  Exactly what I need.

I love these cards.

Risks and beginnings

My card of the day is shown as the picture of the day.  I love it. Perfect for my new adventures so long on hold. No more hesitation or excuses.  Much needed vacation arriving July 4 for 10 days.  YAY!!  ME time.  So excited.

More to come.

Too soon

I have so many decks stashed away, not being used and in some cases, never used.  Why do I have them, why did I buy them, or receive them??  As part of my journey forward, I will use each of these decks with no time limits placed to discover if they are to remain in my life.

Yesterday, I dug out Once Upon a Time deck by Lisa Hunt.  I love the artwork but never did use the deck.

Earlier today pulled:

Perfect card for my thought processes. It shows me I am on my way, moving forward but not quite there. Look at all my ghosts.  Certainly some good, some bad, some somewhere in between.  That is for me to sort out before I can see what is at the end of those steps.  All I know for sure is I am on my way to a greater perspective and I must trust the flow of life as it takes me.  Trust in the unknown.  And know I am not alone.  Let others help me on this journey.

Now that my job will be calm once again and my energy levels pick up, hopefully blogging will resume. I miss it so much and miss keeping up with everyone.  The whole job thing and working in accounting has run its course for me.  Time to move on.  This I am working on.

Last evening as I turned off my computer and looked out the window, this is what I saw:

Just a sliver but what a sight.  What a lovely way to end the day.  :))))

Rebirth

Been tough times lately.  Of course work is extremely busy and stressful but that is usual for this time of year.  I am finding myself needing to find better ways to cope with it as I am getting older.  But the busyness will be over on May 1 and life will seem easier.  Amidst all of this busyness, three unexpected happenings shook my world and the world of loved ones. 

First, I want to thank anyone/everyone who sent healing thoughts and energy to my brother who suffered a stroke.  Every single thought meant the world to me (and to him and his family).  I am happy to say he is now home.  Physically he is mobile but he can't speak and has trouble understanding things.  However, the doctors say this should be temporary (fingers crossed) and some therapy will speed things along.  

I feel lighter today.  Lighter than I have for a very long time.  I exercised and it felt great.  I then meditated only with the thought for peace and calm to find its way inside me.  

Then I took out the DruidCraft Tarot deck out, held it for awhile and pulled:

Oh my gosh, what a perfect card.  The butterfly (me) is getting ready to fly!!  There is hope.

Indeed I have chosen to emerge once again and find my joy.

Love seeing the hare.  The hare is the animal that, in meditation, guides me up the path to my guide (who I haven't visited in far too long).  I call my hare "Harry".  How nice to see him sitting there waiting to take me.  Well we usually play first and then head up.  

A smile ... :)

Transitions

Need some healing energy

I've been MIA around here due to very long hours at work leaving no time for much else.

However,  I am taking a few minutes to ask anyone who happens to read this to send some healing energy and thoughts to my brother who had a stroke this past Saturday and is in the hospital.    Luckily they got him there quickly and that is a good thing.  Right now we are waiting.  Physically he seems to be able to move, mentally he isn't so great.  Hopefully that is temporary.

Difficult times.

Where has all the time gone.  Here it is February already and I've been MIA around here far too long.  My excuse ... work.  Another tax season underway and my life becomes work, eat, sleep and do it all over again and again.  I miss reading everyone's blogs so much and during the day at work tell myself "I will tonight and I'll even do a blog".  But I don't. :(

My daughter's 32nd birthday (can you believe that!!) was this past Wednesday.  I told her there was a special surprise for her but we needed to make an "appointment".  So she came over late this morning.  She was so excited.

I've always loved astrology and later tarot.  Studied, enjoyed, even did work for folks.  But never consistently.  It is my goal, now that retirement is on the horizon, to do astrology and tarot and actually make some money doing it.  But first, I must be able to get the knowledge in my head out.  Practice and practice and practice.

My first practice victim, my daughter today.  I presented her with a thorough write-up of her astrology chart along with a solar return report.   While she was here I went over the significant points and little tidbits of information.  She can take home what I wrote, read it,

absorb it and then if another meeting is required, I am up for that.

After our discussion of astrology was complete, I did a five card yearly spread for her.  Amazingly the cards that came up mirrored all we had previously talked about.  We were both blown away.  Love this stuff.

Alone again, I needed a little meditation to ground myself.  After that, without much thought, I picked up The Wildwood Tarot deck and The Green Man appeared.  He has a good heart and his spirit warm.

As I read in the book "This is a time for both giving and receiving the natural flow of life both inwardly and outwardly.  Be prepared to find a new and thriving drive to begin projects, relationships and even new ways of living your life and fulfilling your world.  Now is the time to experience being at the apex of the cycle of life.  Enjoy it!"  

Yes indeed.  It is what I need to do.  Despite being so busy with work I need to find the time, even if only 15 minutes a day, to read the cards, or work with an astrology chart.  Make plans for the weekends to meet with anyone who will let me read for them.  Practice, practice, practice.  The more I do it, the more comfortable I will be and the easier the words will come.

How exciting!!